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Positive Steps: Getting Into the Growth Zone

“The comfort zone is a behavioral state within which a person operates in an anxiety-neutral condition, using a limited set of behaviors to deliver a steady level of performance, usually without a sense of risk.” There is a great piece in positive psychology about getting out of the comfort zone and into the growth zone and how to do it. "The core idea is that our nervous systems have a Goldilocks zone of arousal. Too little, and you remain in the comfort zone, where boredom sets in. But too much, and you enter the ‘panic’ zone, which also stalls progress."...
Playing twister

Out Of My Comfort Zone: The Thrill Of Saying Yes

Let's face it, as convenient as Zoom is, it’s not the same as in-person meetings. I have dearly missed “Live” workshops. Real  people, real time equals real energy and that's just what happened this week at a writing workshop I ran where I got a full dose. I'm still buzzing from the excitement and novelty of it all. Here's what happened.... Back in July my friend Jill and I were talking about upcoming stuff for this Fall and that's when she asked me if I would like to run a workshop for her YPO group in Boston. My heart started beating fast right there and then....
Boots

Shit Kickers and Western Hipster Boots For Fall 2022

Shit Kickers and sturdy western style boots are killer. I'm obsessed with this western style sturdy walkable boot and the look sold on the LL Bean and Frye sites.  These boots all look great with jeans, skirts and yoga pants and they go from snow to rain to dinner. Personally, they make me feel forever young, maybe because I wore them in Boulder, Colorado for a few years in my teens. Whenever I need boots I love this look.  The best thing about these boots is they have big toe beds. They are way easier to wear than shoes for our aging feet. Check out these boots from LL Bean and Frye that are my personal favorites....
Hands hold a beautiful empty nest of birds, made of moss and feathers, against the backdrop of greenery, in the open air. Close-up.

Empty Nesters

My husband, David, and I have two children who are two years apart. So when our oldest, Sarah, left the nest, we still had our son, Jack, at home to keep us busy. But very soon, it was about time for him to leave, too. I spent his whole senior year of high school mourning his impending move-out. I kept reminding David of all of the “lasts” in our lives: our last time having Jack and all his buddies over for enormous quantities of homemade cookies, our last time wishing he would take a shower after shooting hoops for two hours. Our last time going to one of his band’s gigs in Phoenix. The thought of the children not living in the house seemed lonely—and quiet!...
Happy person on mountain at sunrise

Harvard Study Shows Positive Attitude About Aging Could Boost Health

A study of 14,000 adults over age 50, co-authored by experts at Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health, found that the people who had the highest satisfaction with aging had a 43% lower risk of dying from any cause over a four-year period compared with those who were the least satisfied. The study also found that people more satisfied with the aging process had lower risk for conditions such as diabetes, stroke, cancer, and heart disease; better cognitive functioning; were more likely to engage in physical activity and less likely to have trouble sleeping; were less lonely and depressed; and were more optimistic with a greater sense of purpose....
Group having dinner at restaurant

The Designated Adult Club

I was on Facebook the other day when a former colleague who has just started a new job jumped in with a query about pension plans. “I need an accountant,” she wrote on her wall. “I need advice on what to with the multiple pension plans I’ve accrued since I started working. I’m not sure if I should combine them –  or keep them separate.” Within minutes, a whole bunch of us who’d worked together with her had glommed onto this thread. Turns out, she wasn’t alone. Several of us had more than one pension plan and we all needed the same advice. At some point several comments in, someone on the thread suggested that if my colleague was able to obtain the answer to this question, she could share it with the rest of us over drinks. (We’d pick up the tab.) And then someone else had this brilliant idea: Why don’t we make a deal where one of us is put in charge of making these sorts of vital, grown-up decisions for the entire group on a six-month, rotating basis....
Woman relaxing

Licensed to Chill

So far, my retirement has been a series of experiments.  Am I happy with the results?  Well, I’ve eliminated a lot of stress from my life, but also some of its excitement and challenge.  Liberated from the demands of work, I’m free to find new arenas and venues where I can explore and possibly master new skills.  Although it is a cliché, I do feel I’ve had to find new meaning and purpose to my existence.  That is the current challenge.  On the plus side......
Mother and daughter in field

My Daughters and Me…Next Phase

The mother-daughter bond can sometimes feel close to telepathic, like high alert empathy that’s super sensitive not just to the words but the pitch and the tone of the words being said. For better or worse a raised eyebrow or a deep exhale is decoded immediately. The biggest lesson I’ve learned after decades at this mothering thing is that my worth increases with every word I don’t say. If one of us suggests a new spice…or TV show…or bra, we’re all in. When returning from a trip, we each unpack and go through the mail the first hour we arrive home. We are all currently obsessed with Jeremy Allen White, star of The Bear. Nature? Nurture? Who knows. It’s just kind of lovely. Playing the cancer card (I think it’s legal to accept any perks that come along with that prognosis) they agreed to joining me on a three-day getaway in the Berkshires,...

Featured on Relationship Thursday

Mother and daughter in field

My Daughters and Me…Next Phase

The mother-daughter bond can sometimes feel close to telepathic, like high alert empathy that’s super sensitive not just to the words but the pitch and the tone of the words being said. For better or worse a raised eyebrow or a deep exhale is decoded immediately. The biggest lesson I’ve learned after decades at this mothering thing is that my worth increases with every word I don’t say. If one of us suggests a new spice…or TV show…or bra, we’re all in. When returning from a trip, we each unpack and go through the mail the first hour we arrive home. We are all currently obsessed with Jeremy Allen White, star of The Bear. Nature? Nurture? Who knows. It’s just kind of lovely. Playing the cancer card (I think it’s legal to accept any perks that come along with that prognosis) they agreed to joining me on a three-day getaway in the Berkshires,...

Sleep Divorce: Can’t Sleep with Him…..Can’t Kill Him

I'm considering Sleep Divorce....It’s three a.m. and the mass lying on its back next to me is emitting unearthly sounds. I awaken, surfacing from a dream in which I’ve tried to weave the snorts, rasps, whistles, and jagged breathing into the plot. Clad only in a polka-dotted bikini, I’d been floating through a field of daisies towards Freddy, my third-grade boyfriend, while my husband lay serenely unbothered by his own tortured cacophony. I love my husband. We spoon perfectly, taking comfort in one another’s warm, pliant presence. Randy and I watch TV shows and tennis tournaments in bed, snuggled with our small mutt Zadie, all of us munching popcorn. Awake, we’re blissful. But turn off the lights, shut off the electronics, and we join the ranks of couples contemplating divorce. Sleep divorce, that is....

Are You Married? Stop Saying These Things to Me about Dating

There’s a scene in the Sex in the City reboot, And Just Like That, where Carrie and her new, career-driven, 50+, single friend, Seema talk about dating. Carrie says, “I think it’s great that you’re still putting yourself out there.” Ugh. Seema points out the insensitivity by saying, “you found the love of your life and had him for many years. And in my eyes, that is something worth still putting myself out there.” Like Seema, since my divorce, well-meaning but oblivious married friends and family say things that make me want to say, “f##k off.”...
Woman using dating app on the phone

Relationship Therapy: 6 Best Apps to Strengthen Sexual Relationships And More

According to People.com ....Dating apps are de rigueur for finding potential partners now, but using apps once you're in a relationship hasn't been quite as commonplace. Usually, we'd be thrilled about that — more face time, less FaceTime, please — but then came 2020. Dr. Britney Blair, a clinical psychologist and co-founder of sexual wellness app Lover, isn’t surprised by the transition. “Everything is digitized, and especially [during the pandemic] it saves you a trip to the doctor’s office,” says Blair, who adds, “Sex therapy, especially, can be time-consuming and expensive.” Read more on People.com...

Featured on Fashion Friday

UGG Boots

Oh Ugg I Need To Buy These… Uggs Are Still All The Rage

Uggs are all the rage again and BA50s love them....I have my old ones which are great because old style is new style. But now Ugg makes the best rain boots and platforms and then the old tried and true shorty and tall bootsl According to Elle Magazine's recent post... Why Is Everyone Obsessed With UGGs All Over Again? And why is that? "It's definitely not about ‘fashion’ in that sense. This new-found obsession with UGGs is, in fact, all about comfort – and more specifically, sartorial defiance in the face of being told constantly that this is the time that we should be ‘going out-out’ and ‘dressing up-up’. In contrast, we’re still struggling to drag ourselves away from the comfy loungewear and fluffy slippers that have kept us safe and cosy at home for the past two years." Read more... So which Uggs are you going for this Fall.. Here's what we love." ...
Boots

Shit Kickers and Western Hipster Boots For Fall 2022

Shit Kickers and sturdy western style boots are killer. I'm obsessed with this western style sturdy walkable boot and the look sold on the LL Bean and Frye sites.  These boots all look great with jeans, skirts and yoga pants and they go from snow to rain to dinner. Personally, they make me feel forever young, maybe because I wore them in Boulder, Colorado for a few years in my teens. Whenever I need boots I love this look.  The best thing about these boots is they have big toe beds. They are way easier to wear than shoes for our aging feet. Check out these boots from LL Bean and Frye that are my personal favorites....