Have you stopped dating online because it didn’t work? Maybe you’re currently dating online, but you’re sick and tired of illiterate and overtly sexual adolescent men. Many men don’t even read your profile and just comment on your photos. Argh! And then there’s the guy who writes, “Hi, loved your profile. Call me.” And what about Mr. Cut and Paste, who sends the same email to 100 women, hoping a few will respond? Not so sexy. Yep, a lot of creeps and little boys who never grew up are dating online. Some are not creeps – they’re just clueless. But there are also plenty of amazing mature men online. Online dating is still one of the best ways for women over 50 to meet a wonderful man. You just have to know how.
According to a study from the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, one third of all marriages in the US begin with online dating. As a dating coach, I am dedicated to making online dating less stressful and more successful. I want you to find love online. And it has very little to do with luck.
8 Tips For Online Dating Success
1. What type of relationship is he looking for? Some men write that they’re looking for an activity partner or a friend. You might be looking for the same thing. If so, that’s great. But if you’re looking for a serious relationship and he’s looking for a booty call, move on to the next profile.
2. Keep your online profile essay light and fun. In this fast-paced high tech world of short attention spans, who wants to read a long essay? Keep it short and sweet. You want to convey that you have the qualities a man is seeking such as warmth, passion, and a drama-free life. Share what makes you unique and sets you apart from other women. Keep it to 200 words max if you want your essay to be read.
3. Nix the negativity. When you list a string of what you DON’T want in a relationship (no angry men, not commitment-phobes, no mamma’s boys), you come across as an angry woman who can’t let go of the past. That’s a turnoff. Ever had a first phone conversation with a man, and all he could focus on was his bitterness towards his ex-wife? Goodbye bitter guy. He might have some great character traits, but you don’t want to date him in his current state of anger. Work out your ex issues before dating. Keep your profile positive. After you’re in a relationship, there will be plenty of time to slowly reveal the complexities of your life. The profile essay is definitely not that place.
4. DO put positive and clear statements about what kind of man you ARE looking for. Be specific about the four or five most important traits you’re searching for in a man. These should be about character and values, not height, weight, or income level. Eventually, a man who fits your requirements will read your essay and say, “Hey, she’s describing me!” He’ll write to you, the woman he’s been searching for. And the rest will be history…
5. Your photos matter a LOT. Make sure your pictures are current and show you at your best. Your profile photo should be a close-up of you smiling warmly. Include a few body shots. Take a shot or two of you doing something you love. The best pictures tell a story. The photo in my dating profile that gets the most comments is one of me holding hands with my dad at a wedding. Men say it shows that I’m kind and caring. That’s what men are looking for. Don’t include photos of your three best friends (he’ll have to figure out which one is you) or your kids. This is your first impression. You have a nanosecond to draw him in. And there’s nothing worse than meeting someone for the first time who looks nothing like their photos. One of the greatest compliments he can pay you is, “You look even more beautiful in person.”
6. Choose a username that attracts a MAN. Women often choose a username that’s a turn-off to men. For example, if you are into spirituality and energy healing, that’s great. But don’t include it in your username, with a name like YogaDiva or ReikiMama. Tip: if your girlfriends love it, it won’t attract a man. Choose a fun and man-friendly username that describes what a man would love about you, such as: IHeartHockey, NoDramaGirl, or LovesLifeCA.
7. Choose a tagline that gets his attention. Your tag line is the headline to your profile. Make a powerful first impression. Here’s one way to create a great tagline. Write a list of your passions and interests. Relate those interests to popular movies or other cultural references. For example, you love cooking and yoga. Your references might be: Top Chef, The Food Network, Lululemon and Gandhi.
Now, build your headline by taking two of your interests and linking them together. For example, “Top Chef Meets Gandhi”. Create two or three headlines like this, and rotate them every few weeks. This will continually catch the attention of new men.
8. Make him curious. The best usernames, headlines, photos, and profiles provoke a man to ask a question. You’re giving him a window into your life, not selling him on the whole package. If you’ve piqued his curiosity, he’ll write you an email. And that’s how you start the conversation that leads to the first date.
There’s much more to say about online dating, but these tips will help you improve your profile, which is the first step to online dating success. Any questions? Any tips to add? What’s your experience with online dating been like? Please share your thoughts.
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