My insomnia has been particularly strong lately. I figured as long as it’s hanging out, I might as well document what goes on between my ears when my brain insists on staying awake when the rest of me so desperately wants to sleep.
Here is a sampling of questions that flit through my mind on the nights the sandman is shirking his duties:
- Was Mr. French happy with his career choice?
- How many people even know who Mr. French is?
- Have I ever wanted a French dip more than right this moment?
- Why do I trust packaging more if there is twine involved?
- Why do I ever buy super lotto tickets? Do I love to be disappointed even though I claim to hate disappointment?
- Why can’t I ever eat that last banana?
- If I had a time machine, would I use it responsibly?
- Why would I even ask that last question? Of course I wouldn’t.
- Would Norman Reedus like my banana bread?
- Is there anyway I can make question number nine nasty?
- Are my old lady snaggle teeth coming in?
- Is my old lady smell coming in?
- How many pairs of clean underwear do I have to have before I stop feeling anxious?
- Is there an accurate way to measure how much wood a woodchuck can chuck?
- What is a woodchuck?
- How many pairs of saddle oxfords have I owned in my life?
- How exactly does one rock a casbah?
- Did those men ever get hats?
- Why don’t all places deliver food? Why do we just want pizza brought to our door? Why not a nice stew?
- Why don’t I make more stew?
- How many people are looking up stew recipes at 3:00 am?
- Should I start a stew delivery service?
- Should I stay or should I stew?
- How many more times will I have to have the “we are not changing our names to Mr and Mrs Potatohead” argument with Randy?
- How can someone who wants to be known as Mr Potatohead sleep so soundly?
- If I could go back 40 years, with all the information I have now, would I affect change or would I just be the crazy person who stands on the same street corner for years shouting about Trump?
- Why would Dumbledore sing about leaving a cake out in the rain?
- How did I manage before getting Alfie the kitty?
- What the f&*k is Alfie the kitty looking at on my bedroom ceiling?
- Why would I even consider buying a white shirt?
- Do I not remember the fate of every piece of white clothing I’ve ever owned?
- It’s a really cute shirt though, isn’t it?
- Okay, fine. It’s cute. Why would I consider buying something that needs to be ironed?
- Do I even know how many years it’s been since I’ve ironed something?
- Job interviews aside?
- Am I going to be okay?
- Did the naked cowboy participate in any marches?
- How many minutes of my life have I spent trying to tie a cherry stem with my tongue?
- Why don’t I follow through on things? Like the cherry stem thing? Or paying bills on time?
- Why do I sometimes buy orange or yellow clothes? Do I secretly want to look ghoulish?
- How can I both learn how to make Buddha bowls and make fun of them at the same time?
- Seriously, Buddha bowls?
- They do look delicious though, don’t they?
- Should I give Monday a fair shake?
- What does that even mean? A fair shake? I mean, I know what it means, but why does it mean give something a chance?
- Am I going to even look that up? Or just wait for someone to explain it in comments?
- I think I already know the answer to that question, don’t I?
- Why can’t I find a sugar substitute that tastes like sugary goodness and won’t try to kill me with it’s chemicals?
- Are there any pudding cups in the fridge?
- How long has it been since I cleaned out the fridge?
- Randy won’t notice if I turn the TV on, will he?
- Seriously, am I going to be okay?
So, there you go. Questions I field when I’m battling insomnia. Although, to be fair, any one of these questions could pop up while I’m waiting in traffic or sitting through a boring meeting at work.
I am going to be okay. So are you.
52 Questions I Ask Myself When I Lie Awake At Night was last modified: January 30th, 2017 by