Have you ever had a platonic friendship that began to morph into a possible relationship? Things were going along just fine and dandy until you began to feel attracted to him. How do you turn that platonic friendship into a relationship? Is it even worth the risk? The following exchange is a good illustration about how to possibly turn a platonic friend into the love of your life. Or not…

Dear Sandy,

I have had many relationships with men, but I don’t think I’ve ever really been in love. I have known Isaac for about five years.  We’ve been great friends and have an amazing connection, but we’ve never dated. Mostly, it’s because we’ve never lived in the same city for more than a week. Next weekend, he’s going to be my date at the destination wedding of a good friend. Now that I have a much more clear idea about what I’m looking for in a partner, I think Isaac and I might be a great match.

I am wondering how to have a conversation with him about seeing if we should take our relationship to the next step and explore what’s there. What do you think? I am petrified to ask him if he sees us as a couple, but I don’t want to miss out on knowing if I can have a relationship with such an amazing man. Please help!


Dear Debra,

It can be very scary to put yourself and your friendship on the line by having the “relationship talk” with Isaac. It’s hard to be that vulnerable. As old-fashioned as it may seem, it is usually better for the man to be the one who initiates the “talk” and says he’s ready for a relationship. I believe strongly in women’s rights. But when it comes to relationships, we are usually still dealing with a caveman mentality; men hunt and women gather.

As a hunter, men need to feel ready to commit to one woman, and commitment is not always something they want right away. Men are not as hard-wired for monogamy as women are. I am speaking in general terms here, but women are much more relationship-oriented. They are more emotional and love to connect. Women usually date for the long haul, while many men are happy being serial daters.

For most men, attraction is what lures them in. Emotions may or may not follow. Ultimately, a guy who is relationship-oriented will want a woman like you, someone who is monogamous and wants to give of herself emotionally. If he feels great when he’s with you, he’s probably going to choose only you.

However, if the timing is not right, when you have the “relationship talk”, you might scare him off.

The good news is that you and Isaac are already emotionally connected. I do think that when you begin a relationship with a strong base of friendship, it’s much more likely to succeed. However, Isaac may be clueless about your attraction to him.

Feel out the vibe you get from him at the wedding. If you want to learn if he sees you as a potential girlfriend, don’t talk about it. Instead, make an effort to get out of the friend zone by doing the following…

5 Ways to Turn Your Platonic Friend into Your Lover

1. Wear something sexy but tasteful. If you’ve been in the friend zone, he’s probably seen you in jeans and T’s more than dresses. Wear something that shows your curves, but don’t reveal too much. A little mystery is sexy!

2. Be flirty. Tease him a little. Be playful.

3. Make good eye contact. This is critical to establish your attraction. Look at him for a few seconds, then look away. This may sound fake, but it works. Trust me.

4. Smile. Don’t underestimate the power of your pearly whites and those gorgeous kissable lips.

5. Touch him on the arm. While you’re talking, make sure to touch his arm. This is a safe zone, and will let him know that you like him without violating his personal space.

These 5 flirty feminine gestures will show him you are interested in taking it to the next level. If he makes his move, give him the green light. Let him know how attracted you are to him. Eventually, if the relationship develops, you can talk to each other about how to manage the long distance. (There are some great apps for staying connected in a long distance relationship.)

Remember, don’t initiate the “relationship talk”. Put your feelers out to sense if he’s interested. Have fun. Flirt. And let the relationship unfold as it will. And by the way, one of my clients came to me with this exact same problem. She’s now happily married!

Please share a story about friends to lovers. I want to hear what you have to say.

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Dating at this age can be confusing. That’s why Sandy helps give you clarity about men, dating, and relationships after 50. She helps you stay focused and positive towards your goal of attracting the love you deserve. Click here to learn more about the Inner Circle coaching group.


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