Walker Thornton
At any point in a relationship, married or dating, there comes a moment in time when you may think, hmmm… I’m getting a little bored with this. You begin to contemplate how to heat things up.
This article from Cosmo on Fun Sex Ideas has some interesting suggestions; while they’re good ideas, many of them focus on making sure he has a pleasurable experience.
Yes, it’s nice to please a partner and yes, it’s important to think about our partner’s needs. BUT, the goal is not just to please him—it’s about finding what makes you happy, sexy, turned on—so you can fully engage.
It really is All About You!
The best way to spice up your sex life is by enhancing your level of desire and building your excitement. Sex is not just about pleasing your man. It’s about tapping into your own feelings and exploring the things you want.
- Know Thyself! It’s a saying that dates back to the early Greeks. In this context know thyself means you have to know what turns you on, in order to find and give pleasure. And, I believe this is the most important thing any woman can do to enhance her sex life. Learn how your body responds to touch. Where do you like to be touched? What kind of sensations? Do you like a gentle tug on your nipples or none at all? What do you need to have happen in order to orgasm? You need to know these things in order to communicate with your partner. You learn through exploration, by self-pleasuring. And, by bringing that knowledge and confidence to the bedroom both of you will have more fun!
- Spend some time taking care of you. Take a little time to pamper yourself with a massage, a bikini wax or maybe a pedicure. When we feel good about ourselves we radiate that feeling. As you prepare, spend a little time applying oil to your legs and feet–make it a sensuous experience—imagine his hands caressing you that way. Imagine how it will feel to touch your silky skin. Get your body ready for lovemaking—not in the “I have to look skinny” way, but by taking care to present yourself at your best. Don’t show up in baggy sweats, stubbly legs and expect to feel sexy.
- Add a new element to your lovemaking. Last week I talked about sexting —that’s one sexy trick. What about making the first move, setting a romantic mood, putting on sexy lingerie? Take charge if that’s new and exciting for you… Just change things up! The same old sex is just like the same old vanilla ice cream—sometimes we crave chocolate mocha chip.
- Watch a sexy movie together. It could be something erotic or a gentler movie with some steamy scenes. Some couples watch “adult movies” together—there are movies written and directed by women that have a softer, more realistic storyline that appeals to women. Barb DePree of MiddlesexMD.com shares her list of 10 sexy movies here. Also, Lady Chatterley’s Lover is a good one to add to the list.
- Show up as your sexiest self. That might mean different things for each of you. What I really mean is to get yourself in a sexier mood—if you want to spice up your sex life then you have to make a change. New to this? A new nightie to replace the flannel pjs is a good idea. Already have sexy lingerie? Buy a corset, or stockings and a garter belt. Add a spicy element—get one of his ties and blindfold him for a little exploratory play. Or ask him to blindfold you. Find something new and different to bring you both out of your normal routine.
The goal is to figure out what would make you feel sexier. When you feel good about yourself and you’re excited about making love then you’re going to have much better sex. And so will he. Once you’ve experienced the excitement of new and different sex, you’ll want more. I promise you.
Next week: Is It Wrong to Want To Please Your Man?