dating emailYou’re on or OkCupid, and you send out a few online dating emails to people you like. You wait patiently for a response and…nothing. Crickets. It’s so disappointing when emails go unanswered. It can make you want to give up on online dating.

Are your emails effective or ineffective?

Most of the emails I receive on OKCupid are entertaining, but not worthy of a response. That’s because they look like this (note: these are real):

“Bonjour, pinch me, I am dreaming…”

Or this classy one: “I am pretty sure you must be the most sexiest female in the cyber dating world. I wish to be closer to u.”

Or how about this winner: “Hello, you are a beauty and your smile is astonishing. please always wear that smile cus it looks great on you.”

And this one takes the prize for most creative: “What are you even doing single? Are you a “beautiful monster”? I’m willing to take the risk and find out if you give me the chance.”

Assuming you don’t write emails like the gems above, why are your emails not getting responses?

If you’re like most people, you write emails that are ineffective. They don’t build rapport. You’re not making a connection worthy of a response.

One of the services I provide for my private coaching clients is analyzing their email exchanges. I love being able to spot the problem areas and help clients write emails that attract the right attention.

My clients make a few tweaks, and boom! More emails get answered, and more connections are made=more first dates = more relationships=happy clients (and a happy coach)!

If your emails have gone unanswered, I have the solution.

Improve the quality of your emails, and they’ll stand out from the crowd. I’ll take you through a step-by-step process to help you write that first email to the person who sparks your interest. Make a few little tweaks to your emails, and your inbox will soon be full.

5 Tips for Writing the Best Online Dating Emails

#1. Greeting or no greeting?

You don’t yet know a first name, and a username just sounds awkward as a greeting. That’s why I recommend skipping the greeting and going right to the body of the email. Also, an OkCupid study showed that men open more emails that don’t have a greeting. Go figure!

#2. Make it personal.

To stand out from the crowd, don’t send a generic, impersonal message. The purpose of the first email is to establish a connection.

Read his/her profile, find a thing or two you have in common or something that resonates with you. Do you both love to run marathons? Are you both creative?

You’ve both been on a safari? Each of these is a potential window to connection. Choose one or two things that stood out the most in their profile, and mention them right up front.

#3. Ask a question.

You’ll get more responses when you end with an open-ended question. For example, if you both have dogs, and that’s your point of connection, say something like,

“I like what you wrote about your dog. He sounds amazing. My dachshund, Ralph, is better than my personal trainer. He makes sure I get exercise twice a day, rain or shine! What’s your favorite thing about having a dog?”


“I’m impressed with the list of books you’ve read! I’m also a voracious reader. Right now, I’m reading ‘Big Magic’, by Elizabeth Gilbert. I love how she describes the art of creating. What’s on your nightstand and why should I read it?”


#4. The closing.

End the email with a positive closing, such as; “I look forward to hearing from you”. Do not say, “I hope to hear from you soon.” The word ‘hope’ can sound desperate. Be confident. Look forward to their response!

#5. Your signature.

Many people don’t like to sign their name at the end of the first email. They feel it’s an invasion of privacy. I don’t think that disclosing your first name gives away too much information about you.

Another bonus to signing your name is for when your potential match writes back. They’ll know how to address you. So, do sign the first email with your first name.


A few more online dating email tips:

Don’t ask someone to check out your profile. It comes across as desperate or needy. If they’re interested in what you wrote, trust me, they’ll be checking out your profile.

Men, please don’t be overtly sexual. A quality woman doesn’t want to be objectified. She will not write you back, no matter how hot you are.

Don’t become pen-pals. The purpose of online dating is to DATE, not email incessantly. Pick up the phone after two or three email exchanges. And meet as soon as possible. A profile is not a person. The only way to know if there’s a true connection is by meeting face-to-face.

The purpose of the first online dating email is to simply start a conversation and see if there’s potential for a first date. Follow these tips, and you’ll get more responses, go on more dates, and hopefully, someday soon, you’ll be in a loving relationship.

Have you ever written an online dating email that generated an enthusiastic response? Or have there been crickets? Please share your comments below.

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