As a dating coach, I specialize in helping single women over 50 find love again. One of the biggest challenges in dating after 50 is where to find good men. There are two basic schools of thought. #1: There are no good men at this age. #2: If there are good men, why am I not meeting them? Many women think that somehow a great guy will fall out of the sky and into their arms. I hate to break it to you, but unless you’re into pizza delivery boys or mail carriers, he’s not going to show up at your door. You need to find him. What about fix-ups? Your friends mean well, but how many times have you heard, “You’re such a great woman. I wish I knew someone for you.”
One client came to me ten years after her divorce. She was surprised that no one had fixed her up even though she felt she was a great catch. She hadn’t been on a single date in ten years! And she is a great catch – beautiful, gorgeous figure, smart, loving mother, actively involved in sports, charities, and fun activities. She finally realized that the best way for her to find a great guy at this age was through online dating.
I believe online dating is one of the best ways to find love after 50. This is the fastest growing demographic in the online dating world. But it can be confusing to figure out how to navigate through the online dating sites. You might find it frustrating to scroll through thousands of profiles online, unable to discern who has real potential and who to ignore. Men don’t always write much in their profile essays, so there’s a good degree of detective work that goes into figuring out who to contact or respond to. It’s important to separate out the good guys from the scary or unavailable ones. Here are some tips on how to refine your search online so you can find love online after 50.
Finding Love Online After 50
5 warning signs to refine your search
1. Obsession with youth. While many men (and women) over 50 are obsessed with looking and feeling young, referencing his youthfulness several times in a profile can be a warning sign that he has a Peter Pan complex. You want to date a man, not a boy. It’s okay to show that he’s young at heart through humor and playfulness in his essay. But if he mentions that he feels like a teenager one too many times, skip to the next profile.
2. Bitterness and anger. How does anger show up in an essay? It can be as simple as stating what he’s NOT looking for in a woman, such as “no angry women need apply”. Or he could be overstating what he IS looking for, such as a laundry list of shoulds. “She should be calm, low-maintenance, and not looking for a millionaire.” In either case, if a man has a long list of demands, he is bringing his baggage from past relationships and probably hasn’t worked through his stuff yet. If he’s still angry or bitter about an ex, he’ll probably take it out on you. I believe it’s important to work out your anger from past relationships before you go on your next date. Leave those victim feelings in your past where they belongs.
3. The possible alcoholic. You come across a profile photo of a man with a mug of beer, whiskey or scotch on the rocks. While most women are okay dating a man who drinks socially, when you see a man in profile photo with a drink, it’s easy to assume his drinking is a little more than just social. It might be that he is a social drinker, but it might be more. Notice if he mentions his love of visiting the local breweries, or that his favorite activity is drinking with his buddies. If you don’t want to date an alcoholic, stay away from profiles with too many drinking references.
4. Inconsistent facts. If he says he’s single/never married and talks about his kids, he’s very religious but never attends church or synagogue, you are left scratching your head. The facts don’t line up. Pay close attention and disqualify a guy who contradicts himself in his profile. Many men lie and say they’re widowers in order to appeal to your kind heart, so proceed with caution. If you come across blatant inconsistencies in a profile, move on to the next guy.
5. The bathroom selfie and other photo catastrophes. If I never again see a profile photo of a guy taking a selfie in the bathroom mirror, I will be a very happy woman! What is up with bad photos in online dating? I’ve seen a few men post a scan of their license photo as their profile pic. If you see a bad photo, it’s easy to write the man off as lazy. As annoying as bad photos can be, I wouldn’t write him off based solely on bad photos. Check out his essay and see if he has some of your must-haves. If his character shines through, chalk it up to his poor photography skills and send him an email. Many women I know have married men with lousy photos who looked much better in person and were really great guys.
I hope these tips help you separate the good guys from the not-so-good ones when you’re dating online. Have any tips to share? I always love to hear your feedback.
If you want to find love this year, there’s nothing like group coaching to keep you accountable and give you dating tips and tools that work. The Last First Date Inner Circle features monthly topic-based Q & A calls about dating over 40 and a private forum for women to connect and share their experiences. All calls are recorded and transcribed, and you get a free chapter a month from Sandy’s upcoming book. This month, the topic is where to find great men! Check it out here.
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