Do you suffer from “nice-guys-don’t-fly”syndrome? Many women consistently choose the toxic bad boy over the sweet, kindhearted, good guy. It seems illogical to date a guy who is selfish and cruel over a good-hearted man. So, why do so many women get stuck in that toxic bad boy pattern – attraction, excitement, heartbreak (rinse and repeat)? Why do they ignore the sweet, nerdy, gem of a guy?
Why women are not attracted to nice men
1. They’re not as hot. Bad boys are sexy. Nerds are not. At least at first glance, the nice guy is not as alluring, exciting, fun, or appealing as the sci-fi nerd with a pocket protector. But, get to know him, and he’ll grow on you. The toxic charmer will quickly crash and burn.
2. People are attracted to what they can’t have. It starts from the time you’re a toddler. Can’t get what you want? You throw a tantrum. Teenagers? They are overgrown toddlers throwing bigger tantrums. Adults? We are often attracted to forbidden fruit. Just ask Eve. And look where she ended up.
3. You don’t want to be a member of that club. When someone nice falls in love with you, there must be something wrong with him. Groucho Marx said, “I don’t care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.” That about sums it up.
Okay, that explains why you might be attracted to the toxic bad boy. Now, let’s explore why you should date the nice guy.
5 reasons to date the nice guy
1. He will not play mind games with you. He’ll say what’s on his mind. He’ll tell you how he feels about you. You will not be tortured by thoughts such as, “Is he really into me, or is he using me for sex?” “Why hasn’t he called me?”
2. He will follow-up after a great date. The a-hole will wait a week or two to call after what you thought was a great date. If you’ve slept with him, honey you’re doomed. He’ll text you on a Saturday night and ask if he can come over because he misses you (read: have sex with me now because you’re the best option I have in the moment). The nice guy will value you and text or call the day after he sleeps with you to tell you how hot you are. He’ll schedule another date to get together soon.
3. He’ll cook you eggs the morning after. The toxic bad boy will not want to linger in bed with you once he’s gotten what he wants from you. The nice guy will want you to stay the night, and he’ll make you eggs and bring you coffee in bed. Yum!
4. He’ll value your opinion. The jerk will order your dinner for you. He’ll plan dates without making sure it’s an activity you enjoy. The nice guy will ask what you want to eat and where you want to go on a date. He’ll care about what you think about politics, even if you voted for the other party.
5. He’ll do nice things for you, even if there’s nothing in it for him. The nice guy wants to make you feel good, not just get into your pants. The bad boy’s main goal is to score with you. Once he’s had his fill, he moves on to fresh prey. The nice guy is looking for the real deal. He’s a keeper.
The nice guy is exactly who you should be dating. A high value, secure and self-confident woman doesn’t want to waste time with a man who treats her poorly. She wants to date the nice sweet guy. And it helps if he also has an edge. That’s the perfect combo pack – nice guy with a little bad boy edge. Aren’t we all searching for some of that?
And what about that elusive spark, the chemistry that is so important in a good relationship? If you’re even a teensy bit attracted to a nice guy and the foundation is there – intellectual, emotional, and spiritual compatibility – I believe that the attraction can grow. However, if you can’t imagine kissing him, abandon ship.
With the toxic bad boy, the relationship begins with lust. Without a strong foundation, the spark gets snuffed out pretty quickly, and all you’re left with are a pile of ashes and a broken heart.
So, the next time a nice guy makes a pass at you, don’t ignore him. Give him a chance. He’ll treat you well. He’ll be considerate and kind. You might have a lot more in common that you think. And you might just fall in love with that nerdy, adorable techie with the pocket protector.