Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about doing It. Everyone around me seems to be talking about it all the time. The conversation is never about whether we should do it; it’s about when, how and with whom. Apparently, all of my friends have accepted it as an inevitable part of being a girl our age. So now I’m thinking about doing it – Botox that is.
For a long time, I thought that only a certain kind of girl did it. I thought that girl was so different from who I was that I couldn’t imagine ever being in her place; I was fairly certain that I would never be one of “those girls.” From all the talk, though, it seems like it isn’t just “those girls” who do it anymore, and that I’m the last one to remain untouched. And now that I’m thinking about it, I am wondering if doing it will turn me into a fundamentally different person, fill me with shame, or end up being no big deal at all. Despite all of the talk, I’m terrified.
I recently asked a friend how she decided to do it. She said that she “just knew” that the time was right. The problem is, I’ve never been the kind of person who “just knew” anything. I’ve always thought and rethought (some would say “over-thought”) every decision I’ve ever made. So now I’m spending way too much time thinking about whether or not I should just close my eyes and let it happen.
I generally don’t care what people think about me, but I am wondering how everyone around me will react when they know (or suspect) that I’ve done it. Will they whisper about me? Will they think differently of me? Will they judge me? I am particularly concerned about my family. I can’t imagine telling them but I also can’t imagine sitting down at the dinner table afterward, eating my meal as if nothing out of the ordinary has happened. Surely, they will look at me and know exactly what I have done, and I am pretty sure they will disapprove.
Assuming I am going to do it, how do I know I’ve picked the right person to do it with? Is it better to do it with someone I know and trust but who doesn’t have a lot of experience doing it, or is it better to do it with a stranger who has a reputation for doing it to lots of girls? Once I’ve decided whom to do it with, do I just call up and say that I’d like to do it, or do I ask to see him on some other pretense? What if he decides that I’m not a good candidate, or that it wouldn’t be worth doing with me? What if I pick the wrong person and it isn’t any good?
Truth be told, I’m also kind of concerned about the mechanics. Does it hurt when they stick it in? Is there bleeding? Bruising? Does it go numb? Can I get a disease? Can it cause permanent damage of any sort?
Once I’ve done it, what happens next? Will I have to do it again? How often? What if I don’t like it? If I hate it and I never do it again, does everything go back to normal, as if I have never done it at all? If I do like it, am I doomed to slide down a slippery slope to doing all sorts of things I swore I would never do because they seemed so disgusting? Will I be one of “those girls” who have no limits and will do anything?
The questions keep coming and I’m not getting any younger while I sit here looking for answers. I’m afraid that I might be passing my prime and missing my window of opportunity. So, please, ladies, help me out. Share any advice you wish your younger selves had about whether to do it. And tell me, what was your first time like? Was getting Botox exactly like having sex for the first time or does it just seem that way?