Would your spouse rather be home with you in a snowstorm…or alone, in Mexico, on a beach?
A friend posed that question to my husband the other day, and my husband didn’t hesitate- he boldly replied that I would definitely rather be tucked at home with him.
“Keep telling yourself that,” our friend told him. “We do know, however, she’d rather be home with you in a snowstorm… than with you on a beach.”
And that is no doubt a true statement, because it is well known amongst our friends that Mike is one miserable human being when forced to spend a day hanging on the beach (and yes, I married him anyway.)
But that exchange got me thinking about a picture book I used to read my kids when they were young, called “Would You Rather…?” by John Burningham, where a little boy ponders some unusual “Would You Rather…” questions as he drifts off to sleep, like would you rather… an eagle stole your dinner…or a hippo slept in your bed?
There have been a number of posts online dealing with “Would You Rather…” scenarios for adults (mostly pondering the unanswerable questions like “would you rather give up oral sex …or give up cheese”– to which my lawyer friend immediately posed the question, “would that be giving…or receiving?” But I could not find a post addressing the “would you rather” particularities of people at midlife. Nature hates a void.
So….After 50, WOULD YOU RATHER….
Stay in bed for an hour of hot sex…or for an hour of sleep?
Be bit by a python on your privates…or sit through your friend’s daughter’s middle school play?
Be away from your cell phone for six hours…or away from a toilet for six hours?
Have a colonoscopy… or have your mother-in-law move in with you for a week to rehab after her hip operation?
Break your laptop…or your toe?
Live with chronic back pain….or live with erectile dysfunction?
Have a big ass…or a sagging, drooping face?
Have your adult kids move home after college…or pay for them to get their own apartment?
Give up chocolate…or wine?
Enjoy freedom after the kids leave the nest….or get a new dog?
Have sex when you have vaginal atrophy…or stick needles in your eyes?
Give up sex for a month…or give up Amazon Prime for a month?
Listen to your friend talk about her new diet…or listen to her talk about the details about her trip to Playa del Carmen for her friend’s daughter’s wedding?
Go for a mammogram…or get a cavity filled? (Unfortunately, I have both in the next two weeks.)
Lose all your teeth…or all your hair?
Live with toe fungus… or plantar fasciiatis?
Pay for a wedding for your child… or give them the money as a down payment on a house?
Spend an hour in a chair reading Trump’s latest tweets…or an hour in the dentist chair getting a root canal? (ha! I realized…you can do both at once if you are a glutton for punishment)
Be stuck in a remote cabin with no coffee…or with three children under five and no TV?
Please…add your own…