It’s no secret that many marriages end in divorce these days. But what are the signs you’re headed down that path…and can you correct it?
Joryn Jenkins, a family law attorney with more than 35 years of experience who now focuses on out of court divorce and is author of War or Peace: Avoid The Destruction of Divorce Court, says some of the signs your marriage could be headed for divorce are:
When flirting crosses the line: Flirting in itself is a normal and healthy human behavior. But when you’re in a committed relationship, and when harmless flirting turns into thoughts of sexual rendezvous or extended periods of time spent with another person, that means trouble and it’s time to seriously evaluate your current relationship.
You spend more time at work: If you get more excited thinking about Monday then you do thinking about Friday, that’s a relationship red flag. More people should love their professional careers, but when you’d rather be working then spending time with your spouse, you need to be honest with yourself and see why that is.
You’re bored and unenthusiastic: Remember when you first started dating your spouse, the level of excitement you had when it came to going to dinner, traveling or just cuddling on the couch watching a scary movie? If you feel bored, unenthusiastic and can’t seem to ignite the fire again, is it that you just need to try new things or is it telling you something more?
You feel obligated: Some people know they should be separated but feel obligated to stay with their partner. Maybe you’re taking care of your spouse or he or she is your primary caregiver. Maybe it’s a financial reason that keeps you with him or her. Maybe you’re doing it for the kids. Remember, happy couples aren’t together over an obligation. They’re together because they genuinely want to be.
Lack of sexual satisfaction: Lack of sex or satisfaction shouldn’t be grounds for divorce, but it can put a damper on even the most successful relationships. Before you do something you might regret, be it cheat on your partner or think of leaving him or her, be honest and talk about your feelings. Visit your doctor to rule out medical issues. Maybe the problem is emotional and therapy would help make a difference.
Lack of trust: If you are always wondering what your partner is doing or who they are spending time with when you’re not around, there is a serious lack of trust going on. Trust is one of the key ingredients to a successful relationship. Without it, you’ll never move forward and have a successful relationship.
You believe things will change in time: A big one I hear in divorce counseling is: “I thought he would change in time.” Or “I thought once we had kids it would all get better.” He or she is not going to change. In fact, those imperfections you can’t stand are more than likely going to get worse over time. And if you’re not happy without kids, you’re definitely not going to be happy with kids.
Jenkins says, “The reality is that some marriages are probably better off coming to an end; however, I believe that many marriages could be saved and improved if both parties devoted more time to the relationship, went to couples counseling, took time to truly listen to one another, scheduled a set date night or alone time and just seriously worked on it.”