It can be exhausting and frustrating to go on a string of first dates that never lead to a second date. There are many reasons why first dates don’t progress any further. Sometimes you just don’t hit it off. There’s no compatibility.
But what about that exciting guy you dated? He kissed you on the first date. Conversation flowed. You were having so much fun, the date lasted four hours! And then he never called for a second date. What the…? In that case, it might be time for self-examination. There may be things you’re saying and/or doing that are ruining your chances of getting asked out again and again.
In dating coach Rachel Greenwald’s bestselling book, Have Him at Hello: confessions from 1,000 guys about what makes them fall in love … or never call back, she outlines the top reasons why guys don’t call back after a first date.
Top 5 “Date Breakers”
1. You’re too bossy. If you’re a successful, powerful woman at work, that’s great. But don’t bring your business persona on a date. Tone it down and soften into your feminine. You want a man to want to date you, not hire you. Men consistently reported being turned off by women who came across as too bossy. Men still traditionally enjoy the hunt. Leave space for his ideas. Ask him for his opinion. That doesn’t mean dumbing yourself down or changing who you are to be with a man. It means getting in touch with your feminine side and putting a lid on being a “know it all.”
2. The dating blahs. You enjoyed each other’s company, but it was not that special. This can happen for any number of reasons; you’re a jaded dater (or he is). Having gone on one too many first dates, you might be quick to pre-judge a person based on a first impression. The danger with making assumptions is that you could be wrong. You can also show your lack of enthusiasm in the clothes you wear on the date. Have you ever been on a date with a guy who showed up in sweats or wrinkled clothes that looked like he just picked them up from the floor? Your clothes can immediately set the tone that you don’t really care about your date. Another reason for the blahs: not contributing any new ideas to the conversation. Don’t be afraid to assert your opinions on a first date. Bring out your personality. You get this one chance to make a good first impression, so make it a great one!
3. Deceptive advertising. Your profile doesn’t match you. This happens a lot in online dating. People often lie about their weight or post photos that are ten years old. Surprisingly, most men did not complain about false photos as much as something misleading that a woman said before they met. Perhaps she made a statement that was vague and he misinterpreted it, or he had false expectations of her based on something she said on the phone. He heard what he wanted to hear. People sometimes want a relationship so badly; they have premature expectations of their date. You’ll do better on the first date if you keep the first phone call short. It’s always good to be a little better rather than a little worse than he expected.
4. Too high maintenance: You come across as a woman who is exceedingly picky and focused on material things. He perceives you as superficial and high maintenance. He thinks he’ll have to take care of you financially and emotionally. Even if he has the means, a woman with a princess mentality can be a turn-off. If material things are important to you, that’s fine. Just make sure your desire to be financially secure and live a good life is balanced by your good character and your sense of appreciation. That’s ultimately what matters most to a good guy.
5. On a mission: Are you coming across like you’re on a mission to get married or snag a boyfriend? It’s important to pare down your eligible prospects. Just make sure you don’t come across as if you are evaluating him for the role of your future husband or the stepfather of your children. Know what you want in a partner, but decrease the intensity of your search. If it feels like there’s potential for a future together, pace yourself and take your time and get to know him. Otherwise, you could potentially push a great guy away.
I hope these tips were helpful. If you have any to share, I’d love to hear your comments.
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