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sexual revolutionI wanted mad, passionate, down-and-dirty sex.

Although I’d been a widow for fifteen years, I had been chaste that entire time. Prior to that, when my husband was alive, we had a less-than-stellar sex life. It never occurred to me to experiment with Jerry, either using sex toys or porn, or even different places or ways to have sex. I never thought of sex as playful or fun. I was on a medication which had dulled my sex drive, and I was repressed in the bedroom (due to some disturbing messages I received from my parents about sex).

But now I was 69, many years had passed and I was interested again, not just in a relationship but in a highly erotic connection. In other words, I wanted mad, passionate, down-and-dirty sex. I found myself fantasizing about it a lot.

It was about this time I asked my doctor for a new medication and it made all the difference.  During a visit to my urologist’s office, I summoned the courage to mention that orgasms had never come easily to me and did she have any suggestions. Her prescription: a vibrator and some porn. Wow.

I set out to go to an adult store aptly named The Pleasure Chest. I had heart palpitations the whole way over there. I planned get in and get out as quickly as possible before I, God forbid, saw anyone I knew. Upon entering, I was very surprised to find that the store was clean, had an extensive stock of toys, and a very friendly (but not too friendly) staff.

I took my purchases home and tried them out. I began having pleasure twice a day. Beginning right after lunch. After years of believing porn was for deviates, I found I enjoyed it. After all the years of little to no sexual satisfaction, I was becoming a sexual woman again and it was thrilling. And then, two weeks later, the orgasms stopped.

I spoke with my therapist about it. He was so open-minded. When I’d stumble over my thoughts, he’d say, “I’ve heard it all,” and I’d then feel that I could talk freely. I told him I couldn’t afford to keep buying porn DVDs, that’s when he said “there’s free porn online.” I was entering a whole new world.

That night, heart racing, I Googled free porn. There was quite a variety of videotapes to choose from. There was one truly outstanding video that I watched many times. It consisted of a woman, naked, with a man and all she did was talk and touch. In the end, there was a happy man! My new goal in life was to emulate her, use her words to see if I could bring a man to a mind-boggling climax as she had done with this man. Soon I would have my chance.

I had joined a few dating sites and was having sporadic luck meeting people. While I was wishing and hoping to meet the right man, I wanted something to stimulate me right then. I was on a path to sexual freedom, and I wanted to explore that to its fullest.

I confided to my therapist that I was frustrated not meeting anyone. He told me there were free sex chat websites. Sex chat websites? I couldn’t possibly do that. But that night I decided to check it out. I told myself I didn’t have to join or even tell anyone what I was doing.

I took the leap and signed up. I posted a picture. Only the lower half of my face was showing. I was immediately contacted by a man decades younger than me. At first I brushed him off because of his youth but gradually I realized he was old enough for what I was looking for: an online sexual connection. I had noted down exactly what that woman had said in the video I saw and played it out with the young man, using every dirty word she used. I was finally beginning to feel free of all those sexual constraints that I had lived with for a lifetime. At the end, he said he had a powerful orgasm. I was exhilarated! He wanted to meet. I said no, though I admit to fantasizing about it often, so much so that I joined Benaughty.com for exposure to more men. And I lowered my age to 45. I wanted to see if more men would contact me and they did.

I spent a year on these sites, writing down the exchanges, thinking there were probably many women who had similar early experiences. I had found sexual freedom and I wanted to share it with others. And the best part is that sexual freedom spilled over into emotional freedom. I am better able to express and enjoy myself in and out of the bedroom.

I continued to evolve sexually, reading and writing erotic stories and having phone sex with one special man who lives out of state.

I currently have a 40-year old (I know, he could practically be my grandson!) chasing me. I turned him down innumerable times because of our age difference, and then finally agreed to meet with him. We had lunch and spent a few private moments in his car. I have never been kissed like that! I may let him catch me!

Lynn Brown Rosenberg’s memoir, “My Sexual Awakening at 70” is available on Amazon.com. Please visit her website, www.lynnbrownrosenberg.com for updates on her book and other information.

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