Have you ever had an absolutely horrific first date?
If you’re like most people, the answer will be a resounding “yes”. Perhaps the date was so bad, you made up a lame excuse to leave early. “Sorry, but I have to get home to check on my son. He has a stomach bug.” (Even though your children are all out of the house).
Sometimes, things happen that turn you off even before the first date. Recently, a client received an instant message on an online dating site. The guy wrote “Hi” and then disappeared. Since he didn’t say anything significant, she ignored the message and logged out. He followed up with an angry email, admonishing her for not responding. He said, “I left the dating site to take a call from my daughter. Why didn’t you wait for me to come back?” This guy was reactive and just plain rude.
If you’re the type of woman who feels the need to give every guy a chance, the following list of turnoffs is for you. They are signs that a man is not emotionally healthy and ready for a relationship. Once you’re able to recognize the signs, you can quickly cut these guys loose before wasting your time and energy. Focus on the good guys who are ready for a relationship with you.
The 7 Biggest Turnoffs in Dating
1. Bitterness towards the “ex”. This is the guy who can’t stop blaming his ex. If he doesn’t take responsibility for his share in what went wrong in the relationship, he’s not for you. My advice to these bitter guys: stop dating, get therapy, and put your past behind you!
2. Lack of confidence. It’s difficult to be in a relationship with someone who does not feel good about him/herself. Confidence is sexy. Do what you can to increase your self-esteem before dating. It doesn’t really matter if you’re thin or overweight, bald or have a full head of hair. When you believe in yourself and know your value, you will become much more magnetic to your ideal partner.
3. Dishonesty. A guy who’s trying to be someone he’s not is a big turnoff. Keep it real. Don’t brag or puff yourself up. Post your real age and post current photos of what you look like today, not 50 pounds ago. Honesty is the best way to begin a relationship.
4. Bad hygiene. A scruffy beard (with crumbs from his afternoon snack), bad haircut, sloppy clothes, no deodorant, and bad breath all fall into this category. Please make an effort to look and smell good before you go on a date. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we all tried our best to make a great first impression?
5. Sucking all the air out of the room. You know the type. He talks about himself throughout the entire date. He toots his own horn, touts his accomplishments, and doesn’t ask much about you. A relationship is a two-way street. So, if you’ve tried to redirect the conversation a few times with a guy like this and he doesn’t take your cues, walk away.
6. Bland and boring. You’re checking the clock after the first twenty minutes. He’s repeating the same stories he told you on the first phone call. If you’ve done your best to bring interesting topics to the conversation and he still can’t hold his own, it’s probably wise to turn down a second date. (Note: there are some men and women who are so nervous on a first date that they withhold their humor and spark. Sometimes, these people come to life on the second or third date. So, if there’s any interest at all, give him/her another chance.)
7. The love bomber. This is a great term coined by my friend/colleague, Dave Kessler. After one date, the love bomber wants to be exclusive. He tells you that you’re beautiful, the woman he’s been waiting for all his life. He calls you his girlfriend after two dates. He soon wants to move into your house. Run for the hills. This guy’s on a fast train and the only thing that train can do is crash.
Go on every first date with your eyes wide open. If any of these 8 warning signs show up, check in with yourself and see how you feel. If you don’t feel good, energized, inspired in some way when you’re with him/her, get out before you become too entangled.
Have you ever experienced any of the 7 turnoffs? Please share your thoughts below.
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