You may be unknowingly turning off the men you want to attract online. Can you guess why? Here’s a hint: if your girlfriends love your profile essay, it’s probably a man-repellent. In order to attract the men you like (not just the guys who say, “Hi beautiful. Why haven’t you been snatched up yet?”), your online dating profile essay must be written through the lens of the quality men who will read it. Because what makes you sound great to Nancy will probably turn Paul off. Here’s why…
There are many ineffective things that women do in their essays. Hey, I used to do many of them before I knew the secrets to online dating success. Once you know what you’re doing wrong, you can easily fix the mistakes and start attracting the men you like.
The Biggest Mistakes Women Make in Online Dating Profiles
1. You’re too general. This is a big issue in men’s and women’s profiles. You write a list of adjectives that sound like they describe you, but to a stranger, they tell very little about you. For example, “I’m creative, adventurous, smart, and attractive.” A man reading your essay will have no idea what creative means to you. Are you musically gifted? Enjoy crafts? Be specific, and he’ll get to know what makes you special and unique and if that makes his heart go pitter-pat.
2. You use clichés. How many women are just as comfortable in a little black dress as in a t-shirt and a pair of jeans? Don’t you just love taking walks on the beach at sunset? And who really cares? These clichés are cheesy and don’t say much about you. Just leave them out.
3. You waste valuable space with your humility. I get it. Writing about yourself is one of the hardest things to do. And yet, if you want to find love online, you must present your best self. How to overcome this conundrum? The most effective profiles are a balance of humility, humor, and highlights of your life that would appeal to a man. So, don’t include lines like, “I feel so awkward writing about myself” or “I don’t like talking about myself, but my friends say that I’m attractive and smart.” That’s wasted online profile “real estate”. You can stand out from 90% of the other women online if you capture his attention from the very first sentence. When I write a profile for a client, I start with something quirky, such as “I can still stand on my head, but I make decisions with both feet planted firmly on the ground.” That will grab his attention and give him something to ask you about in his first email.
But there’s an even bigger mistake that women make that actually repels men.
What is the #1 mistake women make in their online profiles?
They create an essay that appeals to other women, not to men. For example, a woman writes some version of this; “I love my family. I am a devoted mother. I’m into energy healing with crystals. My kids are the most important thing in my life. I love to connect with my friends.” Lovely, right? She seems like a really good person, reliable, warm, good-hearted. The problem is, a guy reads that and says to himself, “WTF is energy healing, and what does that have to do with me? How do I fit into this picture?”
What you need to do is include him. Make him feel that you’re talking to him. When he recognizes how he’d fit into your life, he’ll be excited to write you. Haven’t you ever had the feeling that a guy is talking to you in his essay? You read his profile and say to yourself, “I can see myself with him. He gets me.”
So, how do you include him? Talk about what it would feel like to be in a relationship with you.
Here’s an example:
“I am attracted to men who are fun, loyal and honest. If you’re the go-to guy that your friends rely upon, or you’re the guy everyone at work goes to when they need something done well and on time, you might just be the right man for me. If you’re that guy (and you’re not afraid to also be silly), I will treat you to the best foot massages after work and make you the most delicious roast beef this side of the Mississippi. In other words, if you’re loyal, honest, and fun, I will probably melt for you.”
That may sound corny, but it works. Why? Because it accomplishes two things:
1) It shows a guy that you have standards for respect and dignity in a relationship. You’ve announced the character traits you’re attracted to, not the fact that he’s athletic or makes a lot of money. It’s who he IS that appeals to you. You didn’t make a demand, but a declaration of what’s important to you. A good guy will recognize that in himself and will want to rise up to meet that standard.
2) You are showing him that there’s a reward for his great character. You are clearly not a door mat, giving without any expectations in return. That only invites guys who will want to take advantage or treat you poorly. You are a high value woman who has high self-worth. When he treats you well, you want to shower him with love.
Sounds simple, but so few women do this in their essays. Are you making any of these mistakes in your dating profile? If so, follow some of these tips and make a few edits to your profile essay. Help the right man recognize himself in your essay and ask himself, “Where has she been my whole life? I can’t wait to meet this woman!”.
Oh, and you’d better get your Excel dating spreadsheet ready to keep track of all the men you’ll soon be attracting!
If you found these tips helpful, this is just a tiny taste of what I’ll be sharing in Boston September 28th from 1-5 PM at our Online Dating Workshop. I’d love to meet you in person. So, if you’re online but your inbox is empty, or you are too stuck or afraid to even jump in… spend a few hours with me and Peggy and Richard Wolman, world renowned dating coaches and matchmakers at Peggy Wolman Matchmaking, and we’ll show you how to use online dating sites to attract smart, active, interesting men who are hoping to meet a woman just like YOU. Join us for a live workshop: Find Love Online: A Workshop Exclusively for Women 50+. This is THE online dating workshop for women 50+ who are serious about finding love! Find out more here. Hurry, space is limited to only 25 and we’re filling up fast. Hope to see you there!
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