Daughters complain a lot about their mothers. And mothers can talk endlessly about their difficulties with their daughters. Much has been written about “The Mother Wound” which is this idea that collective generational pain is passed down from mothers to daughters.
For daughters it can feel like we will never be quite right for our mothers. This feeling that we will never totally win our mother’s complete approval. We are too fat or thin. Not feminine enough or showing too much skin. This feeling that our mother is always comparing us to someone elses daughter or even our sister, who has a better job or does more for their mother. It can be about ourparenting, our dress code and most of all—this unspoken shame around our sexuality.
Many daughters feel that they have to remain sexually small because how dare they want to have more sexual freedom and pleasure than their mothers had. Or maybe their mothers were sexually or emotionally abused—and there is this fear that if the daughter is sexually alive the same fate will befall her. The daughter may not even know this on a conscious level, but somewhere deep inside, she knows that she cannot explore who she is on a sexual level because it will trigger her mother’s fear and disapproval.