When my friend’s daughter, in celebration of her upcoming 30th birthday, posted an article from Cosmopolitan.com on her Facebook page, “20 Mistakes Everyone Makes in Their Twenties,” I didn’t hesitate to click through. I couldn’t wait to read what mistakes my three children, all in their twenties, were likely making, but even more, I wanted to bask in the self-satisfaction of how far I had come in the past three decades. Everyone knows that with age, comes wisdom, right?
Uh, maybe not so much. While I don’t drunk text (though I have been known to send a text message or two to the “children” where I might as well have been drunk: “honey, are you alive?????” “call me…. I love you sooooo much”) and I haven’t recently bought a $1,200 Cockapoo with my boyfriend (it was actually a yellow lab with my husband), upon examination, perhaps I have not learned as much as I should have. Much to my dismay, it turns out that many of the mistakes that 20-year-olds are making, I am still making.
The following were on Cosmo’s list of mistakes that everyone makes in their 20’s that are also on my list at 50-something:
1. Not getting enough sleep. Check. Whether you are up at 4:00 AM worrying or partying, in the end it’s the same- you still feel nasty the next day.
2. Being addicted to social media. Check. In the last half hour, I’ve checked my email on my smart phone 14 times, and checked each of my kids’ status on Facebook. I intend to tweet this article as soon as it is published, and then put it on Facebook, LinkedIn and Google Plus. Yes, you could say I’m an addict.
3. Washing our hair too much. Check (and nothing can beat Cosmo’s editorial comment on this one: “By the time I was 24 my hair had the consistency of tree bark.” Seriously? From washing your hair?)
4. Wasting money on restaurant meals. Check. And for sure, I can make it better at home. Just saying.
5. Being health-bipolar. Check. (Chia seeds and yoga by day; chocolate brownies and “Girls” by night.)
6. Trying to tan. Check. Despite everything I know about skin cancer, I still try and get a bit of color (don’t judge me—I’ve seen your pictures from your latest vacation on Facebook–I’m an addict, remember?)
7. Being sloppy with birth control. Check. (Oh come on, perimenopause is NOT menopause.)
8. Splurging on beauty products that we know in our hearts we won’t use. Check. It is still almost impossible to walk right by a Sephora.
9. Extreme dieting. Check.
10. Hoarding cheap, trendy pieces of jewelry instead of saving for something expensive and timeless. Check. I bought this mistake a few weeks ago for $15:
Really, 20-year-olds, you’ve got nothing on us. It seems that the older we get, the more mistakes we make. We meet most of your mistakes, and we raise you another 23…
11. We think our kids will listen to our voice mail messages.
12. We think that our texts filled with Emoji are adorable.
13. We are surprised when our injuries don’t heal in a reasonable amount of time.
14. We think our kids should like our music (because it’s better).
15. We think that we can fix the computer. I actually stuck that in just to see if you were paying attention. We don’t really think we can fix the computer. Some of us can’t even turn on the TV!
16. We wear yoga pants with a VPL (if you don’t know what this is, you are so not 50.)
17. We are sure that our partner is the only one in the bed that snores.
18. We rely on our memories (why, exactly, did I go down the basement?)
19. We ask stupid questions, such as, “is it hot in here, or is it me?” It is you.
20. We keep trying out thongs thinking that this time, they’ll be comfortable.
21. We still ask our significant others, “does this make me look fat?”
22. We comment on our kids’ (or their friends’) Facebook posts.
23. We are surprised when our kids don’t “friend” us on FB (or in real life.)
24. We judge the success of our day by whether it started out with a good BM.
25. We think we can continue to wear the same bra size we wore at 30.
26. We dress too young (no, the blinged out low rider jeans are not age appropriate) or too old (matronly is not an “in” look.)
27. We think we can do the same things in the same amount of time we needed when we were 30.
28. We try to read a menu (or anything) without reading glasses. And Sometimes, that is dangerous.
29. We are shocked when adults with kids and jobs inform us they were born in 1976 (but that couldn’t be….isn’t that when I graduated high school?)
30. We think that just because we get wrinkles, we shouldn’t get pimples (life is so not fair.)
31. We convince ourselves we will remember the password we just put in.
32. We still read Cosmopolitan Magazine if it happens to be hanging around.
And really, this is just the beginning of a much longer list, isn’t it? What mistakes have you made recently? Will we ever learn?