It feels decidedly unsexy to plan for it, right? Not really, I think there are plenty of reasons to set up a sex date with your partner, or yourself. Last week I suggested planning time for sex as one way of staying sexy while coping with a chronic illness. I believe planning is a good idea for all of us.
We lead busy lives. We have routines that keep us in that same ol’ mindset, day in, day out. Stress, rushing around, so many things demanding our attention. We make time for going to the gym; we do grocery shopping every Thursday. When we set those appointments, or plan a day around a desired activity we are taking intentional steps to do the things we need to for our lives. So why wouldn’t we give play time with a loved one the same degree of importance?
I love how my friend and her husband are working actively to keep their sex life vibrant. With Susie’s permission, I’m sharing her story—a few details have been altered to protect identities.
Walker, I’m in my mid 50’s and my sweetie is 65. We’ve been together for close to 10 years, but we’ve known each other for much longer. We both have strong sex drives but things have changed due to age. Jack needs a little boost, and uses Levitra. I have a dead-end corporate job and often come home annoyed about work (and not in the mood). So we started Naked Thursdays, i.e., a planned sex date. Not every Thursday but at least once a month. We’ll crack open a bottle of wine. The clothes will start to come off over the next few hours and we’ll unwind from the day and be silly and the toys will come out and by Friday morning I’ll come to work with a big smile on my face.
Here’s what I love about this story—this couple has made sex a priority in their lives. The fact that her husband uses Levitra means that a little forethought (the drug takes about 30 minutes to begin working) is necessary. Her stress level and frustration with her job means that she needs to ease into a new mental place—for women, sexual arousal often starts in the brain. They both acknowledge and plan for their own physical needs.
The sex date is absolutely fabulous for anyone, at any age. When you plan a sex date:
- You are saying, sex is important to me as a part of our relationship
- I’m taking this time for us alone—nothing else takes precedence or gets in the way. Phones off, no distractions.
- You give yourself permission to seek pleasure.
This couple is setting aside time to incorporate all the aspects of a great sex date. They give themselves time to talk and connect on an emotional level. They aren’t rushing into the bed; they aren’t just “doing it.” Note that she said, “over the next few hours.” WOW!!! They recognize that building a passionate fire takes a little kindling. Getting to the orgasm isn’t the main focus but is likely one of the many rewards of this kind of sensuous exploration.
We should set aside time for sexual play, coupled or single. When you give yourself permission possibilities abound. You could read erotica, take a shower together or enjoy a sexy meal. Give each other a massage, watch a sexy movie…Tease and play. Explore, delight, seduce.
If you’re single, you can plan a solo session to connect with your body. A sensuous bath followed by exploration of your own body, finding your pleasure zones, trying out one of your favorite sex toys—we don’t need partners to have sexy play sessions.
Structure your sex date any way you like—but make the commitment. Make a plan. Knowing that your Sexy Saturday or Naked Thursday is on the calendar creates anticipation and heightened awareness—that alone should begin to kickstart your brain and body.
Have you had a sex date? How did you plan for it?