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How to achieve orgasmIf you’re like almost 70% of the North American female population, you likely can’t reach orgasm through penetrative sex alone. But, according to Jillian Bice, CEO & Founder of, an online sexual health and wellness resource for women and their partners in midlife and beyond, there’s good news: You’re normal!

Many women also report not being able to orgasm at all, from any stimulation, and faking it has become their “go to” strategy in the hopes they won’t hurt their lover’s feelings, or in order to “just get sex over with.”

And then there are all the different kinds of orgasm: clitoral, vaginal, G-Spot, blended, nipple, anal… the dizzying list goes on! Despite this erotic smorgasbord, most women can only climax on a consistent basis with clitoral stimulation. Incredibly, this small piece of feminine real estate is packed with over 8,000 nerve endings in the visible nub. What does this mean? It means that the mighty clitoris holds a great deal of potential.

So where do you fit into all of this, and how important is it to you?

Likely it’s very important. After all, orgasm feels great, is really good for our physical and emotional health, and makes our partners feel pretty good, too. It isn’t the be-all and end-all, but it would sure be nice to get there from time to time.

If you feel you’re having trouble, don’t feel sad or frustrated. First of all, you are certainly NOT alone. Did you know that many women take 15, 20, 30 minutes or more to reach orgasm during sex? So don’t feel the pressure to rush. And don’t think there’s something “wrong” with you if you haven’t climaxed within the first five minutes. Remember, you’re normal! Please don’t let all those wild sex romps seen in many porn films fool you, either. No, that woman is likely not having an orgasm in 30 seconds after having all those things done to her that hard, fast, and intensely.

Educate yourself about the how’s, where’s, and what’s. Talk to your partner, friends or your doctor. Or, better yet, go to trusted online resources featuring expert information like Bloom is also known for its curated collection of luxury sex toys by removing the guesswork and making it easy to shop discreetly.

So where are women getting hung up?

According to Jillian Bice, in most cases it really comes down to two things:

  1. knowing your body and what turns you on, then telling your partner
  2. being re­laxed and mentally present

This is why it’s usually much easier to learn to become orgasmic on your own than with a partner. When you’re on your own, it’s much easier to relax and feel uninhibited exploring your body, experimenting with different sensations and different ways of stimulating yourself.

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The importance of knowing your own body cannot be stressed strongly enough. Take the time to be by yourself, get in a comfy spot, and make sure you won’t be interrupted – yes, that includes turning off your phone! Maybe relax with a nice bath beforehand. Then begin to explore your body with your hands. What feels good, what doesn’t? What kind of pressure do you like? What kind of motion? Learn this. This knowledge is golden for both you and your partner and can be the beginning steps down your path to orgasm!

“Once you know what feels good, tell your partner. Please! Your partner will be oh so happy and so will you. Honestly, it’s such a boost to one’s ego to know they’ve been instrumental in helping you reach orgasm. It’s a wonderful feeling to know you’ve been able to make your lover feel really really great,” says Bice.

And, at all costs, avoid faking it. You’re not doing anyone any favors. Your partner will think they’ve mastered what turns you on and will continue to do that with every encounter. Unless you can figure out how to turn this into a true orgasm, you will forever be destined to not get there with this partner. Not fun, and very sad if they find out.

As for hurdle number two – being present – this is really mind over matter. Make a concerted effort to clear your mind of “to do” lists, worries, pre-occupations, and your favorite songs. It has long been said that our biggest sex organ is our mind, and it’s true. Pay attention to what’s being done to your body, either by your lover or yourself. Enjoy the sensations.

Using a vibrator is a fun way to learn!

Your ability to orgasm, either with or without a partner, will also be influenced by whether or not you’re using a sex toy, like a vibrator. By the way, they’re called toys for a reason – like any good toy they’re a lot of fun and can make you very happy!

Vibrators are a wonderful tool for helping you quickly identify your “sweet spots” and can often be the key that opens the door to orgasm for many women. Once again, though, this involves a little fun research. Some vibrators have intense vibrations, while others have a gentler approach. Some have a range of speeds, others just one. Some are for clitoral stimulation, or internal stimulation, and some are for both internal and external stimulation.

Summing things up, Bice says, “In learning to reach orgasm, the trick is to be patient, and not to give up. If you’re among the many women who say they’ve never had an orgasm, or have only once or twice in their lives, don’t give up hope. Learn about your body, clear your mind. It likely won’t happen right away, but you may find you’re getting closer each time. There’s lots of fun to be had in the journey, and the prize at the end is definitely worth the effort!”

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