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talking dirty, naughty wordsHow Comfortable Are You with Naughty Words?

Do you use them or do they make you uncomfortable? For me it’s all about context. There is a time and place for dirty words—between two consulting adults in a private moment. Yes, that makes me a little old fashioned. Actually I use the F-word with more regularity than I should.

What I’m talking about today is the naughty words we use in the bedroom. The words we like to use with our partners. They excite and engage. They make us feel decadently sexy and empowered.

Each one of us has an opinion about so-called bad words. One woman may find the word vagina offensive and feel more comfortable saying “down there.” Others proudly refer to their pussy. My first Sex Expert post was titled, Sex Goddess or Slut.   It felt like the right word for that title—as a way of opening up the possibilities for articles just like this one.  Yet, I don’t particularly like the word slut and would almost never use it in referring to myself.

There are other words I’m less comfortable with, the *C–T* word is one of those. However, I believe there is a place for those little naughty words that bring a frisson of delight to the whispered conversation, email or sexy text you’re engaged in. They are meant to be private, so when we see Anthony Weiner’s (he’s the most obvious example) use of the word “cum” we’re a little revolted. Revealed to the public and out of context, it feels dirty and just…gross.

What goes on in private is just that, private. If you like a certain word then its meaning changes for you. The association builds for you and your partner—giving that word an erotic charge.  I remember receiving a text from a guy I had been seeing for several months. He had been out with the guys and had a few drinks. He used the word pussy.  A few minutes later he typed a quick apology—he wasn’t sure how I would take it and he didn’t want to offend me. Admittedly I was a little shocked, it was the first time he had used that word. Over time I came to understand the power of that word for him and it became more acceptable.  When he called me a wanton hussy one day I was tickled and felt I had accomplished my task (sending him a slightly eroticized description of what I was wearing while he was in a teleconference and not at coffee with me!). It became a fun exchange for us.

It can be awkward trying to say something sexy to a guy if you’re not comfortable with naughty talk. Practice a little, to learn what turns him on and how it makes you feel. Or, it may be that using any naughty word is out of the question for you.

Women are often made to feel ashamed about expressing their sexy thoughts and desires. So we shy away from using explicit language—it’s not lady-like. The only one way to learn how to use sexy language with a partner is to practice.

I’ve found my comfort level with naughty words. But you won’t hear me slinging those words around in public, or listening to music that uses dirty language to denigrate women. There is a place and a time for everything.

Naughty words are a great tool for ramping up desire. They can help you transition from “proper” lady to sex goddess and get him in the mood. I think that most guys like hearing us murmur dirty words. It’s a turn-on and therefore an effective tool to add to your sexy repertoire!

What’s your comfort level with using naughty words with a partner? Do they enhance sex or make you uncomfortable?

Next week: From Vanilla to Triple Dark Chocolate—What Kind of Sex Are you Having? What kind of sex do you want?

Fun reading:

Michael Castleman, The Curious Origins of Our Sexual Dirty Words

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