If you’re over fifty and dating, congratulations! Believe it or not, you are at a definite advantage over your younger cohorts. It may not always feel that way, but there are many pluses to dating in midlife.
Most midlife daters are now much wiser about healthy relationships. They have accomplished many of their big life goals, so they’re more confident, less restless. If they have children, they’re usually pretty much grown and flown. They’re not looking for a father or mother for their kids, rather a companion, a playmate, and a life partner. A friend once told me, “First marriages are for having kids, second marriages are for you.” Sounds pretty great if you ask me! But, sometimes dating in midlife can get you down. So, for those of you who need a little boost now and then, here are some positive ways to look at dating in midlife.
How Midlife Daters Do It Better
1. You can get a quick read on your date (and save yourself time and heartache). By this age, you’ve hopefully sharpened your intuitive read on people. You’ve been in enough relationships to recognize good character from charmers who are toxic. You’ve learned to be more careful with whom you entrust your heart. One way to get to know a date quickly is by how he talks about his kids, the ex, and his friends. Does he call when he says he will? Was he on time for the date? And if he was running late, did he have a good excuse and keep you posted? Pay attention to the small details and the first conversations. It’s crucial to see your date with eyes wide open, not through the lens of wishful thinking. The first few conversations and dates reveal most of what you need to know, so pay close attention!
Tip: Pay attention to the small details and the first conversations.
2. You maintain a full and balanced life. In midlife, you are probably pretty settled in many areas of your life; work, kids, and relationships with friends you trust and love. You’re seeking a relationship with a man for different reasons than in your twenties. If you’ve already been married and have kids, you are not looking for a father for your children. You are looking for a partner for yourself, to enhance the full life you lead right now. If you’re not feeling fulfilled in other areas of your life, now is a great time to take stock. A relationship with a man should be a “want,” not a “need.” When you approach dating from that perspective, you’ll have much more success. You’ll radiate positive energy, which will make you irresistible to men!
Tip: You are looking for a partner for yourself, to enhance the full life you lead right now.
3. You date with the right attitude. Healthy dating is all about attitude. If you think you’ll never find love, you probably won’t. And if you date with the mindset of “I look forward to making new connections,” you’ll have much more success. Keep an open mind. He may not be the right guy for you, but perhaps your friend would be better suited? I’ve fixed up friends with men who were not a good fit for me. Perhaps he’d be a good business connection, a new friend, someone whose friend might be a good match for you. Bring curiosity and wonder to a date, not evaluation and judgment. Don’t go on each date with an all or nothing attitude. If he’s not “the one,” the date is not a failure. You can’t tell if there’s long-term potential until you’ve been dating for a while. You can’t know the future until you have a present. So stay present and enjoy the dating process.
How can you enjoy your date even more? Ask good questions on that first date.
- One interesting thing you have in common. (A hobby, activity, favorite book/movie)
- One goofy thing about each other. (Secret talent, something obscure you’ve done, a spontaneous spur of the moment trip you took)
- One thing you’d like to learn more about him. (Tap into his heart by asking a “feelings” question. “How do you feel when you do _______.” This is what makes a man feel connected to you.)
Once you learn to focus on all the positives about dating in midlife, you can bring that good attitude with you on every date. People are drawn to those with confidence and a positive disposition. Now get out there and date, you sexy boomer babe, you!
What do you feel is an advantage to dating in midlife? Please share your comments below.
For more midlife dating tips, you can get your copy of my FREE report, “The Top Three Mistakes Midlife Daters Make (and how to turn them around to find love now)”. Click here.
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