This morning, at 5:00 AM, IÂ happen to notice that 11 people on Words With Friends were waiting for moves from me. Now I know this shouldnât be a source of tension, but it makes me totally nuts to have lots of games with moves outstanding (which is why I have put a moratorium on new games.)
And actually, 5:00AM is the most perfect time to play Words With Friends, because you can get ahead of the game.  If you make your move at 5AM, you should be all set for at least a couple of hours, and you feel like you’ve accomplished something…I know it’s not big…but it’s something.
So at 5:01 this morning, I played a move against my sister in law. And at 5:02, she made her move back. Damn. Â And double damn, she was beating the crap out of me.
âWhat are you doing up this early?â I messaged her.
âUp with the dogs, ever since the end of daylight savings,â she told me. And then she told me that she had three games with friends all being played at a furious pace that very morning.
âEveryone is up!â she texted. Honestly, it was 5:05  AM.
And it made me feel a bit better to know that othersâ donât sleep like I donât.
Obviously, the articles that we are seeing this time of year, â15 Things To Do When Youâre Feeling Stressed,â â16 Ways to De-Stress During the Holidaysâ “21 Ways To Bring Joy Into Your Life” –these listicles are not doing their jobs (surprise!)âat least not with the wonderful women I know.
Besides, most of them boil down to being grateful and meditating, or meditating on how grateful you are, and I for one donât waste 10 minutes meditating or writing things downâŚI prefer to fold the laundry instead.
And while I really donât mind being so wound up that I canât sleep past 5 AM, we all have a few friends (or husbands) that are snoring away at that time, seemingly not a care in the world. Itâs amazing to me.
And so, I wonderâŚ.Would it be possible to ruin their tranquility as well?  I canât help itâŚdespite the fact that I am a relatively happy person, these are the things I think about (and then write down) when I should be sleepingâŚclearly, I like a little schadenfreude.  Doesn’t everyone
18 Things You Could Say (but shouldnât) To Stress Out Your Loved Ones This Holiday Season (simply because they can sleep better than you can), and none of which I plan to say to my sister in law:
- âDid you hear that Stephen Hawkings predicted the end of the earth as a certainty in the next 1000 years?â
- âI feel so good because Iâm at my goal weight⌠are you still eating bread?â
- âSeriously? You take the time during the day to nap? How do you get anything done?â
- âCan you give me a lift to the airport tomorrow for my 6:30PM flight.â
- âDidnât we start decorating the house a lot earlier last year?â
- âMaybe itâs not menopauseâŚmaybe youâre pregnant.â
- âHow’s that eczema?â
- âDoes your son have a plan move out of your house this year?â
- âI hear theyâre going to make Lorazepem an illegal controlled substanceâŚâ
- âIsnât that Donald Trump a godsend?â
- âI assume you got that at Bloomingdales at the 50% off saleâŚ.â
- âThey miss stuff on mammograms all the time…â
- âTry not to be so depressedâŚâ
- âI submitted your name because I knew youâd be perfect to head that committee!â
- âHowâs that new business idea coming along? You’re not getting any younger!â
- âYou didnât get a hybrid?â
- “I’ve heard it’s normal at our age to have sex at least 3 times a week.”
- “That’s a little too tight for you to wear now…”
And in case you are successful and have made your holidays are as tense as this family’s…remember, there is always Adele!