If you’re divorced, you certainly know what an unhealthy relationship feels like. You don’t want to go down that path again. If you want to find love and attract a healthy, happy relationship, I believe you must start with the one you have with yourself. Self-love and self-care are at the core of becoming a happier, more independent person. When you’re ready to date, you’ll be whole – not needy – and you’ll attract your best partner.
The steps you can take to heal after divorce include taking care of yourself and taking full responsibility for your part in past relationships. Set goals that are doable and resonant. Surround yourself with positive people and take small consistent steps towards your new goals. Take risks and get used to being out of your comfort zone. These are some of the key steps that I help my clients take to overcome a sense of neediness post-divorce so they can go out and attract the love of their life in midlife.
10 Steps to Rebuilding a Life You Love After Divorce
1. Read a lot of self-help books on how to have a healthy relationship, especially the one you have with yourself.
2. Attend a support group with a positive focus. Many support groups are a ‘bitch fest’, a place to come and vent. Stay away from those. The best support group I’ve seen for healing after divorce was based on the 12-step programs. The woman who ran it was a social worker who was divorced, rebuilt her life and was now happily remarried. She did a great job of keeping everyone from going down a rabbit hole of despair, even when times were tough.
3. Follow pages on Facebook that inspire you to keep going in a positive direction. You can follow my Facebook page for lots of inspiration, including my radio show on how to have healthy and lasting love.
4. Make your bucket list of things you want to do in this lifetime. Then set small goals to work towards each one, or weed out the ones that are not as resonant. Examples: writing a published piece of work, traveling, learning to ballroom dance.
5. Break down your bucket list items even further. Step 1: look up the phone number of the ballroom dance place. Step 2: call and find out times/prices. Step 3: budget for it. Step 4: sign up
6. Develop peaceful/meditative daily rituals. Examples: a cup of coffee/tea while watching the sun rise, writing in a journal, going for walks on the beach, sitting by the river.
7. Make new friends who mirror the life you want to lead now. Your friends have a direct influence on your quality of life. You may have to let go of a couple of emotional vampires and make room for those who are living their best life.
8. Learn to listen to and respect your body, mind and spirit. Examples: eat when you’re hungry, rest when you’re tired, pray or meditate when you’re stressed.
9. Learn to lighten up and be easier on yourself, to embrace being alone with yourself and love yourself from the inside out. You may not realize how much your marriage defined you and ate away at bits of yourself.
10. Get out and do things, even if it’s going to the library or a coffee shop. Force yourself to NOT be a homebody. It’s easy to get stuck in the ‘home’ rut. While you’re out, practice smiling and saying hello to people everywhere you got; on the street, at a café, in the grocery store, on the train.
Have you felt anxious or needy in past relationships? If so, what steps have you taken towards healing and finding more love within yourself? I want to hear what you have to say!
If you want to find love this year, there’s nothing like group coaching to keep you accountable and give you new tools that work. The Last First Date Inner Circle is a warm group of lovely women. We have two monthly topic-based Q & A calls about dating over 40, and a private forum for women to connect and share their experiences. All calls are recorded and transcribed, and you get a free chapter a month of my upcoming book. This month, we’re talking about the art of flirting with flair. Check it out here.
For a copy of my FREE report, “The Top Three Mistakes Midlife Daters Make (and how to turn them around to find love now)” please click here.