There is nothing more boring than people complaining about sexual boredom. That is so ordinary, lackluster and, quite frankly, rather lazy. When we decide to actively nurture our sexuality, we are taking a stand for living a vibrant and pleasure filled life. Re-charging your sexuality takes big action and consistency. When you make that extraordinary decision to take action, why not call it “a resolution to sexual evolution”? You are doing something remarkable — you have begun a life-changing journey. Understand that your sexuality is a path to freedom and a conduit to life force energy such as creativity.
When you choose to give time to your eroticism you are giving time to living a bigger, more abundant and more self-fulfilled life.
It’s hard to wrap our heads around this idea that sex requires the same kind of willful intent that a great diet plan or financial management program does. We have to make space for sex.
Sometimes, we have to move obstacles and even spend our resources on sex. More often than not, we have to challenge our own shame and dug-in beliefs about our own bodies — and this is not a small aspiration. Creating a new relationship with sex in 2017 may bring with it some ups and downs. You may find yourself expanding and contracting. But that’s all normal. It’s all a part of your sexual evolutionary plan. Remember: Sex is something that you do and not something that you aspire to.
10 Erotic Resolutions For 2017
1. Decide that you want more sex in your life and commit to creating a year of pleasure and go on a “Sex Safari”!
2. First, do some research. Start with reading some important books about sexuality such as “The Erotic Mind” By Jack Morin, “Mating in Captivity” By Esther Perel, “Come as Your Are” by Emily Nagoski, “Woman on Fire” by Amy Jo Goddard, “The Ethical Slut” by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy, “‘More Than Two” by Franklin Veaux and “Shameless: How I Ditched The Diet, Got Naked, Found True Pleasure and Somehow Got Home in Time to Cook Dinner” by Pamela Madsen.
3. Then put the books down and go out and investigate. There are many opportunities for getting out of your bedroom and into a safe, sane and extraordinary erotic adventure. There is everything from “Hedonist Cruises” geared for people who are exploring the “swinger” lifestyle to smaller dip-your-toe-in-the-water experiences for women and couples such as sexual retreats. The point is to go out and try something different! Go on a sexual safari and try out some new things. Thinking “Fifty Shades of Grey”? Well, go to Ohio and check out an incredible weekend conference called “AIS Winter WIckedness.” Go by yourself or with a partner! It could be a wonderful play and study experience!
4. Not ready to leave the house yet? Buy a massage table and check out “The Pleasure Mechanics.” They have an incredible library of low cost videos and courses that will help you find a sexual adventure with your massage table and a lover.
5. Get some private instruction! Would you go on a safari without a guide? Many people would! But there is a huge advantage to working with a sex educator who will guide you on your journey. Some will simply coach you through your sexual resolutions while others will help you create your own list and others will go with you on all of your adventures, smoothing the way. There are lots of options. You hire a gym coach or a nutritionist — why wouldn’t you hire a sex educator to help you put together your plan?
6. Do something that involves your sensual eroticism but not your genitals. Take a cooking class or go on a food or wine tour. Explore how sexy eating can be. Use your fingers and feed each other. Eat off of each other’s plates! Be naughty. Explore eating new kinds of foods. Check out “Blind Dining” where you close off your eyes and go deeply into your other senses.
7. Explore your prohibitions! What feels off limits to you erotically? Do you feel a charge around it? Explore it. Try watching a video or reading a book about your “prohibition.” You might find that in your journey to explore it — that you have found your biggest turn on.
8. Spend a day walking through sex shops and lingerie shops without buying. Remember this is a safari. Just take in all of the possibilities for erotic expression. What calls to you? Is there something that you want to explore further?
9. Slow down the adventure. Try to take your time exploring all of these experiences. We create erotic tension in our lives by nibbling at the edges and taking our time. There is no race. Savor!
10. Dare to be different. Our sexuality is uniquely our own. Don’t let what turns you on frighten you as long as it is “sane, safe, and consensual.” Forget date night. Try planning a big deal trip and creating the space needed around it or be spontaneous because nothing is more boring than knowing that you are going to have sex every Thursday at 9 p.m. Try spicing up 2017 with fooling around in the car, in a dark corner, or kissing under the moonlight.
Make 2017 your year to take a “Sex Safari.” Do something different. Start now.
Pamela Madsen’s runs retreats around the world to help women re-connect to their bodies and sensuous nature and is author of the book; “Shameless: How I Ditched The Diet, Got Naked, Found True Pleasure and Somehow Got Home in Time to Cook Dinner” (Rodale 2011). Pamela’s ground breaking work with women has recently been featured in “O” Oprah Magazine.