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Valentines Day – here’s the bottom line – its either all bullshit or all about you. Depends on how you look at it. I recommend making it the latter.

stillettoIf I get one more ‘date’ night email telling me how fabulous I have to look for the guy that’s picking up the dinner tab – I just might vomit chocolate hearts.

Cynical you say? Horseshit I say. Just realistic.

Who needs 6-inch stilettos to enjoy prosciutto wrapped asparagus?

Who needs a red lacy thong to split Chateaubriand?

Who the hell even wants to split the Chateaubriand – portion for one, please?

And seriously who needs a Brazilian wax to inhale raspberry chocolate soufflé?

Didn’t anyone take this weeks Barbie news seriously?

Screen Shot 2016-02-03 at 8.49.26 PMCome on people – it was 1961 when we got the shocking news that Barbie has a f*ing job – Career Barbie – oh really? It seemingly took her just as long to get out of that skunk-striped swimsuit and get career recognition as it did for women to get the right to vote.

And then it takes another 55 years for Barbie to show off her real bod?

Leave me alone. Let me just drink my 500 calorie chocolate martini while I do NOT wear my red stilettos, my red lacy thong, my red push up Victoria Secret diamond encrusted bra and my slit to the crotch red dress – wrap of course so I can give the valet a rise!

Oh and by the way I won’t be donning the Victoria Secret wings with my red negligee – more like chicken wings with my red cotton baseball shirt.

Guaranteed the gent, also not wearing a red lacy thong, still picks up the dinner tab!

But, in case you are personally disappointed because you actually look like Giselle and your man really is Tom Brady, I recommend you buy the new set of Barbie’s and stay home and play dolls! And oh, in case you haven’t kept up with the news, Ken had a makeover in 2006 so no doubt he will pick up the tab!

bbie

 

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Stilettos Not Required On Valentine’s Day was last modified: by