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lonely manHi Guys,

I’m divorced and have been dating online for about five years. I’m also a dating coach. I help women over 40 succeed with online (and offline) dating. And we have something to say to you. We LOVE men, and we want you to have more dating success. Some of you post wonderful profiles that are well written and grammatically correct. Your photos are awesome.

But, many of you are failing miserably at capturing our attention. Okay, maybe you capture our attention, but not in the way you may have intended. So, today I am speaking to you, the men who are skipped over, turned down, rejected, and dejected. I want to give you the inside scoop on how to capture our hearts. And it’s not what you might think…

5 Online Dating Tips To Win a Woman’s Heart

1. Your Hair. We don’t care whether you’re bald, grey-haired or have a ponytail. Some of us like beards and mustaches, while others prefer a clean-shaven face. While every woman has her hair preferences, we care more about your character than the amount of hair on your head or chin. So don’t contact the Hair Club for Men. We think you’re sexy when you’re confident and kind. So, if you don’t like what you’ve got on your head, don’t stress about it–rock it!

2. Photos Don’ts. Men without photos have a very low contact rate. Please post photos. You increase our trust when we can see what you look like. But, don’t scan your driver’s license or post your wedding photo with your ex-lopped off. (This really happens. I’ve seen both!). No bathroom selfies. Don’t post pictures of yourself drinking with your buds. We’ll probably think you’re an alcoholic. We are not attracted to pictures of your gun collection, your latest hunt, or your motorcycles and cars. Other guys will probably be impressed. Us? Not so much. And finally, please don’t post photos with your shirt off. We think it’s sexier to leave something to the imagination.

3. Photo Do’s. Post three or four photos that represent who you are TODAY, not five shades of hair or 50 pounds ago. If you have developed a gut, most of us are okay with that if we can see it in a photo, not shocked by it on a first date. We know our bodies are not perfect, but if we take care of ourselves and exercise and eat well, we’re turned on when you do the same. It shows us that you care about your health and wellbeing. That’s sexy.

If you don’t have any good current photos, you can hire a professional without breaking the bank. Check Craigslist or Groupon/Living Social for discounted packages. Or, ask a friend to shoot some pics for you. Have fun with them. Take a few body shots and 1 or 2 close-ups. Take photos doing something you love–a sport, a hobby. That will draw us in and give us something to talk about in a first email.

4. Your Essay. Please don’t write essays like this–“One-of-a-kind. I could write a lot about me, but, what’s more important is you.” Yep. That’s an essay I spotted online. It tells me nothing about this man at all. If you don’t tell us some specifics about what makes you unique, why would we want to contact you? You are a stranger to us. Reel us in. Tell us little one-line stories about the funniest thing that happened to you, your favorite trip, what particular music excites you, or what inspires you. We don’t want your resume. We don’t want you in list form. We read your profiles. We care about what you have to say. If you have trouble writing about yourself, hire someone. It could mean the difference between getting skipped over or noticed online.

5. Other stuff. Fill out all the forms on the dating sites. Answer questions. The more you tell us, the better we get to know you. We’re turned off by a mostly blank profile. If you can’t put the energy into filling things out, why would we expend energy in contacting you or responding to your emails? And speaking of emails, please don’t write emails like this: “Hi! May we share life together, my name is ¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬______ & you’re…?” Find something you like about us in our profiles. Show us that you care about getting to know us better. Ask a question at the end of the email, so we’ll be prompted to write back. I encourage my clients to initiate emails to the men they like. And we LOVE it when you write first. Put in a little more effort, and the payoff will be well worth it.

Guys, we want to date you. We want to know more about you. We want to see the real you in your photos. Make a few tweaks to your online dating profile, and we’ll be like putty in your hands. Okay, maybe not putty, but you might get a date with us. We can’t wait to meet you.

This article was first published on the good men project.

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