Why Do Men Like Bitchy Women?

bitchy womanDear Sandy,

I’m so frustrated. Met a man a few months ago. One date was better than the next. Once we took it to the next level…it was magical. Suddenly, he freaked out & within a few days stopped all communication. Then resurfaced to tell me it was the best 2 days of his life. Then the next day he freaked out. By the end of the week, he was back again. Made me dinner, affectionate, attentive, apologetic. Then nothing. No word till I got an email saying the woman he was dating for 4 years (dating??) resurfaced & her son is having issues with their separation & he doesn’t know what he wants (ya think?). It’s him not me (no kidding!!). Funny, he had nothing nice to say about this woman & how his kids didn’t like her & how selfish she was. I’m beginning to think men just like bitches & drama. When everything is too good, they freak out & can’t handle it. Should I just be bitchier? What are your thoughts? 

Stephanie

Dear Stephanie,

Do all men want bitches? Absolutely not. But let’s talk about what happened between you and Mr. Hot and Cold.

Allow me to summarize your story: You met an interesting, sexy guy. Sex is magical. He freaked out and left. He came back. You took him back. He left, he came back, you took him back again. Poof, he went back to an ex whom he didn’t love and complained about.

My interpretation: Sounds like you two had sex before monogamy. You then had expectations of him to be a steady partner. You wanted him to be exclusive, but you never discussed that with him. He freaked out because he’s an emotionally immature guy who doesn’t know what he wants. Okay, he does know one thing he wants – great sex with you. You kept taking him back, which taught him that he can treat you poorly and you’ll always take him back. And then he walked all over you.

The problem isn’t that all men want bitches. While some men are immature and will go back to a bitchy demanding ex-girlfriend, no quality man I know prefers drama. In fact, most men DESPISE drama and bitches. It’s exhausting. It’s draining. Who needs that? We’re adults. Aren’t we done with drama?

Healthy mature men want relationships with women who are nurturing, loving, kind, compassionate, and have high self-esteem. In dating after 50, drama-free is the holy grail!

Here are a few things you can learn from your unstable/unkind boyfriend: You need to have clear standards about how soon to get intimate with a man. You need to take your time and get to know a guy, and determine whether he has your relationship “must haves”.  You need to watch a man’s actions, not just listen to his words. Then, if he treats you poorly, you won’t take him back. You will say NEXT! and walk away.

I encourage you to enter your next relationship with your eyes wide open and legs shut. Take your time getting to know a man – at your pace. Learn to say no to a man who’s full of drama. The next man will treat you with respect because you’ve shown him your clear boundaries. 

xoxo

Sandy

Have you ever been with a man who was attracted to drama and bitchiness? Please share your thoughts below.

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Sandy Weiner

Sandy Weiner

Sandy Weiner is the founder of http://LastFirstDate.com. She's THE dating coach for women over 40 who are smart and successful at just about everything but love. Sandy is a TEDx speaker https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yvzUMIcrBYU, and the resident dating expert here at Better After 50. Every Tuesday from 2-3 Eastern, she hosts Last First Date Radio http://blogtalkradio.com/lastfirstdate, an exciting show about dating and relationships in midlife. She received her coaching certification from the prestigious Coaches Training Institute and studied relationship and dating skills from many of the top experts. Dubbed the “man whisperer” for her ability to understand "man-speak", Sandy helps with every aspect of dating, from online dating profile makeovers to the deeper work of building your confidence and self-worth to attract and sustain a long-term healthy relationship. With her effective dating skills training, women gain the confidence to get from that sometimes awkward first date to finding love in the second half of life. Schedule your complimentary 15-minute get acquainted call with Sandy https://www.timetrade.com/book/VJDY6 to learn how dating coaching can transform your love life. 

  3 comments for “Why Do Men Like Bitchy Women?

  1. Janny
    May 29, 2014 at 11:49 am

    You are right. Unfortunately, half of the dating articles I’ve read over the last several months in this publication aim in the other direction. The lusting, hot middle age sex machine depicted in some articles makes little sense and makes me wonder if those women ever learned to keep their eyes open and legs closed until they know a man. Also, the older you get the more difficult it is to meet a great guy, so you need to enjoy your own company. It isn’t the 60′s – it’s us.

  2. Sandy Weiner
    May 29, 2014 at 3:47 pm

    Janny,

    Thanks for your comment. I’m not sure where you’re reading these articles about jumping into bed for hot lusty sex without knowing a person first. That’s never been my philosophy, and I’ve been writing a weekly dating column at BA50 for over a year. Not that hot lusty sex isn’t possible at our age. It definitely is, but it’s not exactly the same as it was when we were young.

    And while I agree that finding a great guy after 50 or 60 is not a simple process, there are lots of amazing older gentlemen who are much more relationship-oriented than their younger counterparts. My clients learn how to find them and how to make a relationship last in midlife.

  3. Kat
    May 29, 2014 at 10:16 pm

    I think that a strong, confident, loving, fulfilled woman who has clear boundaries and doesn’t put up with shoddy behavior is viewed as a “bitch” by most men. Women who are a bit desperate (and feeling lonely and ‘worthless’ without a man) and will put up with bad behavior, are very common. And since many middle aged single men (who can still “get it up”) feel that they are a “hot commodity”, they don’t want to deal with strong, self respecting women. It’s VERY easy to get a desperate woman who will ignore poor behavior, as your article demonstrated. A lot of these men have been married for 30 years and want to relive their youth, and experience as much (easy) sex as they can. I love men … but sometimes they just amaze me!

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