How To Become A BJ Queen

May 1, 2013
By

Become a Blow Job QueenThe Blow Job—you either love it or hate it. Most men absolutely love getting a “BJ” and I suspect that many women hate giving them!

I watched Hope Springs last week and cringed at the scene with Meryl Streep giving Tommy Lee Jones a blow job.  A word of advice: Never, ever contemplate going down (on your knees) in a movie theater. You want your first time to be more relaxed, with a little preparation and enough light to see what you’re doing!

I hated the dreaded blow job for years. When pressed to perform this chore, I gave it a half-hearted attempt, no swallowing and no lingering. I operated from a place of obligation.

I’m no longer that woman! To me, a good sexual relationship embodies a mutual desire to provide pleasure. Giving oral sex, or fellatio, becomes a pleasurable act for me with someone I care about. And, I know, and expect, that he is going to spend time satisfying my sexual needs and desires as well.

I can hear some of you saying mean things under your breath, vowing not to let your partner read this. I’m sorry you feel that way. I understand your reticence and I believe you’re missing out on a fuller relationship by limiting the ways you give and receive pleasure.

Getting To Know Your Lover’s Penis

The first step to becoming a BJ Queen (a title I gave myself once) is to start by getting to know the penis. You’ve got to want to do this. If you’re repulsed it’s not going to be very pleasurable for either of you.

Learn to love the look, feel, taste and smell of the Man Organ. For you reluctant ladies, start by learning to pleasure him with your hands and then move to the oral. Learn what a gentle caress of your fingers can do and imagine your tongue doing that.  A firm grasp that evokes a moan of delight can be replicated with your lips, alone or in conjunction w/ your hand wrapped firmly (don’t squeeze too hard) around his penis. When you caress his penis what motions does he prefer, what feels good to him? This can give you an approximate idea of the technique you’ll use with your tongue and mouth in combination with your hand. See resources below for detailed instructions—for beginners and for those of us who want to add new techniques to our repertoire.

Dispelling the “You Have to Do This

  1. You do not have to take his whole penis in your mouth—although he will love you if you do! The key point here is to avoid triggering your gag reflex so you don’t throw up.
  2. You don’t have to swallow. You can do what I used to do and move quickly to the hand job to finish him off—timing is crucial here. Or, you can delicately spit into a tissue after he’s come. Decide what works for your current level of commitment to the act. He’ll be so pleased that he won’t mind.
  3. You don’t have to go all the way once you’ve started. If you’re new to blow jobs and don’t want to do too much, use this as a teaser. A bit of foreplay.  A few minutes of licking and gentle sucking, not necessarily the full plunge, can be enough to get him really hot. Then you can employ the “redirect,” move up his body with hands and tongue. Pull him on top of you or mount him while he’s hard…you’re in control at this point so do what you want.
  4. Be careful. Don’t get too rough; you’re dealing with delicate tissue. And watch out for teeth…they can hurt. That’s what got Meryl in trouble—her teeth got in the way and she scraped or bit him.  Yikes!

We aren’t born knowing how to give good head.  We have to practice. And we have to learn what our partner likes. You’ll both have a better experience if he gives you feedback. It takes a willingness to explore if you want to master the art of the blow job.

Practice, practice, practice.

Follow my suggestions and you may get your very own letter of commendation, here’s mine (names have been changed):

To Whom it may concern;

I would like to recommend my friend, Delicate Flower, for the job of “Ultimate Kisser.” I have witnessed her skills up close and personal on several occasions and have always found her ready and willing to deliver in a timely fashion.  She has great manual dexterity and a delicate touch when called for. Her firm grasp of the facts allows her to bring a task to fruition very capably.

Ms. Flower is meticulous.  She is neat and thorough, never avoiding any aspect of the job that might be called for.  She can be innovative and willing to adapt to the situation at hand. She has always been ready to perform; time and place have never presented problems for her. While I have stressed Delicate’s basic grasp of the subject matter please note that her enthusiasm and dedication to her work is a sight to behold. I believe I heard her once declare that she enjoyed her job; her exact words were, ”good to the last drop.”

Ah, sheer pleasure!

Sincerely,

Guy D. Gisborne

So tell me, what is your opinion?   Do you like giving blow jobs?

HANDY RESOURCES:

  • Passionista, The Empowered Woman’s Guide to Pleasing a Man, by Ian Kerner.

Look for Walker’s Column next Wednesday (hump day):  Are You Having ‘Charity’ Sex?

You can find articles and more information at WalkerThornton and on Facebook

 
Jimmyjane is a design-centric brand founded on the belief that life is better with a sexy twist. Our diverse collection, ranging from decadent massage candles to award winning vibrators, creates provocative possibility.

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25 Responses to How To Become A BJ Queen

  1. Patricia aka BoomerWiz on May 1, 2013 at 7:03 am

    Walker
    How informative!!! This makes me want to polish up my skills. I am a single lady and for me, I need to be into you and into something other than a drive-by to practice. So I have taken careful note for the Mr. who is now working on becoming Mr. long-term. More conversation needed.
    Patricia

    • Walker on May 1, 2013 at 9:58 am

      Polish up your skills! Always a good idea to be ready for good sex, however that translates out for you.
      Good luck with Mr Right!

  2. Deb on May 1, 2013 at 9:09 am

    Love this sister! It’s the best ‘how-to’ guide I’ve seen all year!

    • Walker on May 1, 2013 at 10:00 am

      Deb, thank you! I had fun writing this one!

  3. Beverly Diehl on May 1, 2013 at 11:18 am

    I’d think you wouldn’t want to go down on your knees in a (regular) movie theater because, well, it’s a movie theater. Floor coated with spilled Coke and ground-in buttered popcorn and who knows what?! If it’s a theater that specializes in adult material… we KNOW what’s making the floor sticky. Ewww.

    I’ve always enjoyed fellatio (melts in your mouth, not in your hand), and most of my partners have told me I am head of the class, so to speak. Very rarely, I’ve met a man who *can’t* let himself go enough to enjoy it, who is still good at other forms of mattress dancing. But pretty much, if you can give a good blow job, a man will love you forever.

    • Walker on May 1, 2013 at 1:10 pm

      Youre so funny and you totally get what I was saying! Love your last sentence- he will love you forever.

  4. SusieQ on May 1, 2013 at 11:32 am

    This was wonderful! I agree. It is about time this is talked about and handled in a way that is informative and respectful. Thanks.

    • Walker on May 1, 2013 at 1:11 pm

      Thanks Susie Q. I agree that we need to have these conversations– and besides, they’re fun.

  5. kristin on May 1, 2013 at 8:30 pm

    I am no artist but I find BJs are easier on an uncircumcised penis as the head is more sensitive so you can do most of the work there, flickering the tongue on the tip, and not worry about teeth, gagging and accidental barfing.

    • Walker Thornton on May 2, 2013 at 10:30 am

      Kristen, helpful tip! I have only had one uncircumcised partner so I can’t make much of a comparison. Thank you.

  6. Dave on May 1, 2013 at 9:50 pm

    Walker,
    Bravo on your fantastic piece! I hope you won’t mind a little male perspective on the subject.

    Your advice on getting acquainted with his penis is right on target. My lover always thrills me when she takes the time to look, touch, and admire mine, all the time telling me how she loves the look and the feel. I find that the conversation about my penis is a fantastic bit of foreplay. After a few minutes of this wonderful appreciation, I get completely lost in whatever she elects to do next!

    Of course, she knows with complete confidence that at some point I’ll be reciprocating with even more enthusiasm for satisfying her, hopefully exceeding her expectations. I always spend time admiring her vagina and telling her how spectacularly beautiful it looks to me, describing with detail how tantalizing it looks and how much I am anticipating my next actions. And it only gets better from there…

    The real answer is that, when both partners feel and have a desire to express real love for each other, the mechanics are less important than the intent. But don’t underestimate the power of sensual conversation during the process. We all want to know our partner’s validation of our own physical attractiveness, and to hear them describing how much they love our parts has the double whammy of being terribly exciting!

    Please feel free to edit my material to suit your blog space. I know this is rather long-winded…
    Dave

    • Walker Thornton on May 2, 2013 at 10:33 am

      Dave, I am thrilled to have a man’s point of view here. When we engage in this kind of conversation here, or between the sheets, it’s wonderful. You’ve captured the essence of mutuality and the delight that comes when two people desire to please each other.
      You’re welcome to comment at any time–not long winded at all.

  7. Sandy Weiner on May 2, 2013 at 6:51 am

    Walker,

    You had me riveted throughout this article! Thanks for being so frank, and your sense of humor makes the topic of BJs that much more palatable. Thank you!

    Sandy

    • Walker Thornton on May 2, 2013 at 10:35 am

      Sandy. Palatable!! Yes, Ma’am. And thanks. It’s a challenge to be open without being unnecessarily graphic. I don’t want to turn off those of us who want and need more info!

  8. Helene Bludman on May 2, 2013 at 10:24 am

    Walker, you are a rock star. The end.

  9. Marjib60 on May 2, 2013 at 11:22 am

    My tip is simply raw organic coconut oil from the health food store is THE best! Flavor, lube and healthy all at once! We both love it. It melts at room temp and solidifies again under 70 degrees. Oh and a dab of nutella, almond joy!

    What a great article and the comments are tastefully done!

  10. Barbara Shallue on May 6, 2013 at 10:44 pm

    Back in high school, I was lucky enough to come across a copy of of one of those ‘how-to’ books of the ’70′s (maybe The Joy of Sex) while on a babysitting job for a single mom. Priceless information!!! You’ve done a great job here, too!

    • Walker Thornton on July 22, 2013 at 12:42 pm

      You were fortunate!! Thanks for the compliment.

  11. Nina on May 7, 2013 at 1:17 am

    You truly are a sex goddess to possess such wisdom.
    My experience has been that once you reach a place of who youre giving that BJ to and why, can turn the repulsion of obligation into sheer enjoyment and empowerment for the pleasure you can give a man.
    I hated giving blowjobs under obligation, and that was directly affected by the status of my feelings for the receiver. Conversely, when I felt love and trust, I enjoyed giving such pleasure, when I offered, and wasn’t doing it because I felt I had to.I reveled in perfecting my skills, to exquisite bliss of my partner.
    Much as I like receiving oral, I’m less into it if I think my partner isnt really into it. Men can often receive regardless of whether their partner likes it….but they go INSANE if you DO love it…are enthusiastic….good at it…and offer even before they ask.
    Let me add that the testicles are oft neglected in BJ’s but some men are blown away (pardon the pun) if you let your mouth, lips, tongue, fingers…explore them as you also attend to their penis. And should you be inclined to swallow….that well timed suck as they are ejaculating will give them a BJ they will never forget…try just explaining that to a man and watch his eyes roll back imagining it!

    • Walker Thornton on July 22, 2013 at 12:44 pm

      Nima,
      Sorry I failed to see your comment. You sound like a pro here. I agree about paying attention to the testicles- very pleasurable area.

      • Nina on July 22, 2013 at 1:41 pm

        Lol….better late than never…I consider your comment a great compliment coming from you!

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