Uninvited For Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday… because it was everyone’s holiday. It’s something I plan for weeks in advance–pulling out my huge stack of November issues of food magazines I’ve been collecting for years. The other months’ issues are relatively dispensable as far as I’m concerned, it’s the November issue that’s the crown jewel. I love seeing what new sides the publishers came up with and how they tweaked the old ones. (Add morels to the mashed potatoes one year, take ‘em out and add bacon the next.) The photos of the table settings are always dazzling, and the people in the photos are always dressed to the nines and having a jolly good time. There are never pictures of drunken Uncle Al or miserably hostile Cousin Minnie. In those photos, everyone is beautiful and laughing, and life is perfect.

Thanksgiving is a study of contradiction, though. It’s supposed to be a day when we turn inward and reflect on all that we are thankful for in life, and then hopefully (at least in my house) we turn outward and express our thanks in words and deeds. Ironically, the things that I find so special about the holiday–being together with family and friends–make other people’s skin crawl. Not everyone loves their family, and I can appreciate that, but I feel really blessed that I am not in that category. Most of my Thanksgiving memories are happy ones. In fact, there’s only one that I can think of that rocked me to my Chanterelle mushroom-gravy-loving core….

Many years ago our family was “uninvited” to the house of a “friend” two days before the holiday. What we thought was going to be a day spent with that friend and her family was blown to bits when she called to say that her mom wanted it to be “just family,” and she hoped we understood. As shocked as I was, there was not much for me to do at that point, other than say “yes,” and as I did, visions of myself running through the aisles of supermarkets searching for dinner ingredients clicked through my head like a film projector on speed.

I don’t know what got into me that year that I would give up the taking of the helm of the dinner boat, but I got sucked in. And then I got shafted. Ultimately I did manage to patch together a tasty meal–tears falling into my mixing bowl as I prepared the stuffing and peeled the sweet potatoes. (I know, that’s a little melodramatic, but it is true.) And as salt-bitten and puffy-faced as I was, feeling alone and missing my family 3,000 miles away, my boys, who were very young at the time, didn’t seem to notice me or that no one else was joining us for dinner.

When the sumptuous meal was served and eaten, it was obvious to all that another family (a few families) could have joined us at the table and there would still have been leftovers. So, I had a brainstorm: why not share the leftovers with those who had no dinner? This was going to be one of those great learning experiences! We told our boys (who were by then, slumped over their dinner plates because we had eaten so darn late) that we were going on an adventure, and as my husband and I furiously packed up the rest of the turkey, cornbread stuffing with sausage, sweet potato and apple gratin, and pie, they looked at each other and rolled their eyes. “Just another one of Mom’s kooky ideas.”

We loaded them and the food into the car and proceeded to head to downtown Long Beach, because if you were looking for people who were not partaking of Thanksgiving dinner in the conventional way, of course they would be just lying on the streets of this urban wasteland…waiting for you! Not!  This was not a well-planned mission–this was a fly-by-the-seat-of-one’s-pants project. We didn’t (I didn’t) stop to think that most people who had nowhere to go were probably being fed at churches and community centers. So, it was no surprise that at 8 p.m., on a chilly Thanksgiving evening, the streets of downtown Long Beach were deserted

We drove around for a while and found one soul pushing a supermarket cart that was loaded with bags filled with who-knows-what. “Stop the car!” I yelled. “This guy is getting our food, whether he wants it or not.” I grabbed one of our shopping bags and added it to his collection. “Happy Thanksgiving,” I said. He nodded, and as we pulled away, I turned around and could see him gingerly looking through the bag.

“Wait’ll he sees what great stuff is in there!” Now I was happy. (First smile of the day.) “Ya see, guys, we turned our Thanksgiving around…now let’s go home and have some pie.”

I know that sounds like a story straight out of an O.Henry anthology or better yet, a Jean Shepherd film, but it really did happen. Did it have a huge impact on the lives of my kids? I’m not sure they even remember it – I’ll have to ask them when I see them on Thanksgiving. But it meant a lot to me. It reminded me how important it is to be together with people on the holidays–the people you choose to be with. I have hosted many Thanksgiving dinners since that one, and invariably there are one or two at the table who would ordinarily have nowhere else to go. As I said, I don’t think that “other” Thanksgiving is all that memorable to my boys, but I know the celebrations we’ve had and the people who’ve sat around the dinner table through the years have made quite an impact. They appreciate a full house as much as they appreciate a full plate.

The Monastery of the Angels is in the Hollywood Hills. The nuns there began selling their famous pumpkin bread years ago during the holidays. Rumor has it that they sell upwards of 18,000 loaves a year. I’ve read that the “nuns are skeptical that their bread can be duplicated,” but this recipe is touted as being theirs. It’s the only one I use when I make my Pumpkin Bread Pudding for Thanksgiving. If you add some cranberries, dried or fresh, or chocolate chips, it is really good enough to eat all on its own.


Monastery of Angels Pumpkin Bread


3½ cups sifted flour

3 cups sugar

2 tsp. baking soda

1 tsp. cinnamon

1 tsp. nutmeg

1½ tsp. salt

4 eggs beaten

1 cup oil

2/3 cup water

2 cups canned pumpkin

Walnut halves

1 cup each, chocolate chips and dried cranberries (opt.)

Sift together flour, sugar, baking soda, cinnamon, nutmeg and salt. Combine eggs, oil, water and pumpkin and mix well. Stir into dry ingredients. Gently fold in the chocolate chips and/or cranberries, if using. Turn into 3 greased loaf pans and top with a few walnut halves. Bake at 350 degrees for 1 hour and 15 minutes, or until a cake tester inserted in center comes out clean. Cool before slicing.  Makes 3 1-3/4 lb. loaves.

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  8 comments for “Uninvited For Thanksgiving

  1. November 20, 2012 at 11:28 am

    I love your story Mindy!
    Pumpkin bread with chocolate chips, nuts and cranberries sounds heavenly!

  2. November 20, 2012 at 11:51 am

    I remember this story, Mindy – I’ve never forgotten it.

  3. November 20, 2012 at 4:07 pm

    I loved your story as well and let us know what the boys say. They seem to remember things we think they have forgotten…

    • November 22, 2012 at 1:25 pm

      Sorry to say that the boys did not remember that holiday–even when I filled in with all sorts of details about that day/night. Oh well, they’ve recounted enough other days that were important to them.

  4. Kim Spencer
    November 21, 2012 at 9:51 am

    Such a lovely story! This is our first year with no family in town – 2nd of may parents passed away last Christmas, and siblings are all attending to ill in-laws or new grandchildren! We are joining another family and will be 17 in all…though I am sad at the breaking of our tradition (as is my 15-year old daughter), I am eager and open to experiencing new thoughts and feelings in full range – and yes, thankful for that opportunity.

    • November 22, 2012 at 1:22 pm

      Thanks Kim. Sometimes, stepping out of the box (even on Thanksgiving) can bring all sorts of nice surprises. Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family!

  5. November 21, 2012 at 7:24 pm

    Unimaginable. Who invites people for Thanksgiving and then uninvites them? But what a lovely spirit you have to find the true meaning in the holiday. This post warmed my heart. And I’m adding the recipe to my files!

  6. November 22, 2012 at 1:05 am

    I have a treasured pumpkin bread recipe too. I shared it on my blog.

    Happy Thanksgiving !

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